Q: Seven years ago, I was widowed. My wife and I had 38 wonderful years together. Last month my lifetime friend also lost his wife. He is suffering from loneliness, confusion and sadness. His remaining family is an unmarried son who lives in Dallas, about a thousand miles away from him.

His son would like to be more helpful, but, living so far apart, he can't help his father to cope with his daily needs. Both my friend and his son have asked me to help. How can I best do that?

A: Having gone through a similar experience myself, and from having received advice from readers and other sources, I would advise him that it usually requires at least a year to overcome his shock and grief. Rebalancing his life requires patience, understanding and time. Each of us learns that grief is never totally over, but the time comes when we have to be thankful, move on, and choose a positive outlook for our life.

Express your availability when he needs to talk, asks for advice, needs a friend to eat lunch with, or just someone he can count on for a distraction. Knowing he can depend on you will be the most helpful you can be now. Keep in touch!

Options are open. Would he consider dating, remarrying or sharing a relationship? Or would he be content to remain a bachelor? No two stories are alike.

He should consider major factors like health, income, driving ability, freedom, dependency needs, loss of control and where the best place to live would be.

Because individuals differ in their personalities, how they age, their wants and needs and other habits, it takes time to find their new comfort zone.

Hands-on help, family and friends support, learning how to distract yourself, joining clubs, learning to play bridge, and other new habits are opportunities.

If they are willing to make the effort, both men and women can discover new lives by finding new hobbies, exercising regularly, buying a dog, playing sports and attending classes. Avoiding isolation is important, because we all need others!

Q: We are retired, as of last month! We have moved to a sunny Arizona retirement community and loving it! However, my wife and I have begun to experience the normal creeping-up-on-us pains, particularly in our upper bodies. Our doctor says we could lessen those pains by stretching and exercising. How can we best proceed?

A: Since you have already received your doctor's recommendation, it's time to begin. Make it fun and remember stretching cold muscles can lead to injury. Always start with a warm-up like walking.

Reducing muscle stiffness also helps keep joints flexible. It also encourages sleep, prevents falls, relieves depression and improves self-esteem. Also, there are many illustrated guidebooks at your library in which you can find valuable techniques for safety.

Once you begin a regular routine and your aching muscles feel better, you will become a regular stretcher!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California Retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.