Dear Annie: I just read the advice to "Teen With No Experience," the high school girl who wants to lose her virginity. I thought I might give a different perspective from a male point of view. I lost my virginity at far too young an age. At the time, I thought getting "experience" was the thing to do. When I met my future wife, she was a virgin, in her 20s. We got married, and I was hit with something that to this day (20 years later) still has an effect on me: The excitement of our first time together was not everything it could have been because of my gaining experience prior to her.

It was exciting because it was with her and because I love her, but I realized that each time I gained experience, I gave away part of myself that I could never get back. What I lost was getting to experience the joys of learning about intimacy together with my wife. I'm not saying that "Teen" should be celibate, but if I had it to do over again, I would have waited. Young people, myself included, often treat sex as something they need to accomplish rather than something to experience with someone they love. — Male Perspective

Dear Male Perspective: Thank you for offering your point of view. I couldn't agree more that sex is not something that should be "accomplished," and you make a strong case for why it's wise to wait. Your last sentence reminds me of something another reader wrote in response to this letter: "Sex is not a milestone like acne or shaving. Sex is actually the glue that turns a friendship into a loving lifetime commitment."

Dear Annie: I will be married to my wife for 10 years this November. We have a beautiful 9-year-old daughter together. Over the years, the subject of separation/divorce has poked its ugly head in and out. It didn't start because of just one act or disagreement, but it didn't start just yesterday either. For the record, I believe that the good memories outweigh the bad. Every time my wife brings up the topic, I feel like I just received multiple instantaneous wounds to my body from my own soul, from my best friend, the pain of which remains slow and torturous.

The more I beg and cry, the more I feel like I am choking. I wish I could flip a switch and make everything right, but my wife is not easily convinced. Showing her my anger does not work; showing her my tearful emotions does not work. I cannot nor do I want to see any light of life past my daughter and wife.

No matter how much verbiage and intent she throws in my face, I refuse to give up. I love my wife until death do us part. I completely understand that there is not a universal answer to the following question. Although I am sincerely apologetic about my mistakes and acts of abandonment in our past, how do I convince my wife to fall back "in love" with me, not to just "love me," through thick and thin till death do us part? — Desperate to Not Divorce

Dear Desperate: I can tell by your letter that the love you have for your family is deep and pure. Unfortunately, no matter how badly we want things reciprocated, we cannot force others into feeling the same way for us that we feel for them.

If your wife is willing to work together and push through your issues, couples therapy is the right place to start. Every marriage has its peaks and valleys; through honest, open communication, perseverance and compromise, I am confident you can come out stronger on the other side, provided your wife is committed to doing so.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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