Dear Annie: My sister-in-law has lived with my in-laws for four years. When she and her then-infant moved in, it was an emergency situation — leaving an abusive relationship. However, she does not seem to have plans or ambitions to move out.

My husband's parents (in their 70s with health concerns) watch her child (now 4) every day while she works from 2-10 p.m. She also uses them to go out with friends and go away for weekends.

It's a small house with only two bedrooms. When she moved in, she took over the house. Her stuff and the child's things are everywhere. The stinky diaper pail is in the living room. And you usually can't even walk with the toys everywhere.

On top of this, my in-laws tell my kids they can't go to this or that because they are watching said grandchild. They don't travel and go on vacations like they had planned for retirement because that would leave her without a sitter.

To be clear, they were always willing to help with our kids when they were young. But we never asked for more than one day a week. And my kids would be fine with the fact that they didn't come to their sporting events if the reason wasn't because of babysitting.

I feel like we don't stop over as often to see them because it is stressful and frustrating and the child gets mad when our kids play with his toys. I know that is on me and I just need to force myself to visit for the sake of our parents.

My husband's parents are adults and obviously can make their own choices, yet I feel like they and my husband's sister are at fault for the situation. We don't want to come across as jealous or that we don't love them, but it's very frustrating to see how selfish she is being. Should we say something or let it be? — Frustrated Family

Dear Frustrated Family: Perhaps your in-laws are not bothered by the situation the way you are. Maybe their perspective is that they get to spend time with their daughter and grandchild. If they were truly annoyed, my guess is they would be writing to me asking how to kick their daughter and grandchild out of the house.

As far as your kids playing with toys and the cousins fighting, that is up to you to talk to your children and to your brother about how best to teach the kids to share and get along.

Because four years is a long time to live with someone, your husband might suggest that his sister pay their parents rent, or chip in another way, for staying. But if their parents say no, then there's really nothing you can do about it, so — to answer your question — at that point I would let it be.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Photo credit: Lily at Unsplash