Dear Annie: I'm turning 50 this year and plan on having a large party. Last year at my birthday, I told both my sisters that I was having this party and expected them to come. They both agreed to come.

I currently live in Tennessee and thought that telling my sisters a year in advance would be adequate notice. They both live in Pennsylvania. In the seven-plus years that I have moved away from Pennsylvania, neither of my sisters has visited me or even made an effort to visit. When my sister lived in Japan, I went over and visited her despite the financial struggle.

The date of my party is quickly approaching, and one of my sisters has told me she will not be coming. The other sister has not responded to me.

I'm absolutely devastated that my sisters will not come to this milestone birthday and at a complete loss that they seem so indifferent to my hurt feelings. How can I make them see how hurtful their behavior is? — At a Loss in Tennessee

Dear At a Loss: First things first, put yourself in both your sisters' shoes. They might be incredibly busy with work or with family. They might be too financially strained to afford air travel right now. Most importantly, they might be completely unaware of how much this birthday party means to you, especially if you have not followed up with them about it since last year. Try not to take this personally; there could be a host of reasons that your sisters are unable to attend.

The next step would be to communicate your feelings to them. Tell them how much you value their love and friendship. When you come from a place of love, rather than a place of anger or resentment, they will be able to see things from your side.

Dear Annie: I'm a 50-year-old mom who lives in rural Georgia. My mother is a social worker in northern California. My 10-year-old daughter loves her grandmother so much. We are planning a vacation to Myrtle Beach for my daughter's birthday celebration. I invited my mom to come with us. She said that she won't be joining but is instead going on a trip to Boston to see her friend.

She always says family is more important than friends. I know when I tell this to my daughter, she will be devastated that Grandma is skipping her birthday trip to see friends. — Distraught in Georgia

Dear Distraught: It sounds like the bond your mother and daughter have with each other is very close, which is special. It's not easy to deliver news you know will disappoint your little girl, but try to show your mother some grace as well. It's possible she had this trip booked far in advance of your Myrtle Beach plans, could not cancel her flight or hotel reservations, or wasn't able to coordinate a better alternative time with the friend she is visiting.

Suggest that your mother allot time for a video call on your daughter's birthday to join virtually in your festivities. Hopefully, this will tide everyone over until she is able to belatedly celebrate in-person next.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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