Dear Annie: I love reading your advice, and boy, do I ever need some now!

About 20 years ago, my mother-in-law became addicted to drugs, both prescription and illegal, as a way to deal with unresolved childhood trauma. As a result, her marriage to my father-in-law fell apart, and, while not legally divorced, they haven't spoken to each other in over a decade.

During this time, she has bounced around from one residence to another. It's often the homes of other family members or mutual friends who all have reported the same thing once they kick her out: She steals and is always drunk or high. Her own mother begged us to take her in when we were newlyweds 17 years ago because she was stealing all of her prescription medication. Although we've discussed this with her several times, she blames all of her problems on her husband or her childhood and takes no responsibility for her situation.

She has visited us a few times a year during our marriage, and we've been very clear with drawing boundaries about her behavior when she is around our children. They love her, and until recently, we've always had very nice, brief visits (except when she stole painkillers from me after I gave birth). Her last visit, however, was the visit from hell. We ended up searching her room for drugs, and she ruined my daughter's baptism — and completely humiliated me in front of my friends from church — with her drunken, drug-induced antics.

She has once again been asked to leave someone's house and is now staying "for a month or so" with her sister, who we care deeply about and is not in good health. I fear the stress of having my mother-in-law living with her will further cause her sister's health to decline. We want to help her sister by finding my mother-in-law somewhere else to live, but my husband and I are adamant that her living with us would be detrimental to our kids' physical, mental and emotional well-being, not to mention stressful on our marriage. My husband's only sibling, who has no children, lives outside the country, and his wife refuses to let her live with them. I understand her refusal and do not blame her for it.

So the question is, what do you do with an elderly drug addict who has absolutely no money (she blows every dime on drugs) of her own? Living with us would be detrimental, but I can't live with her being homeless on my conscience either.

Thank you for any advice you can give. — Daughter-In-law on Drug Duty

Dear Daughter-in-law on Drug Duty: Your mother-in-law is very, very sick and needs help. But neither you nor anyone in your family is a trained professional who can help her. So relieve yourself of the burden of being on duty, and seek out help advice from professional treatment centers. Where she needs to live is not on the streets but in a rehabilitation center until she cleans up and gets help. I would also encourage you and your husband to attend Al-Anon meetings so that you can better understand the nature of her disease.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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