Dear Annie: My sister and I have not spoken in three years following a falling-out over our mother's estate. I won't rehash the details — suffice it to say, neither of us came out looking entirely clean. We were never close growing up, but we were friendly enough as adults, and I miss that.

Last month, she sent me a card for my birthday. No note inside, just her signature. I've been staring at that card for weeks, trying to decide what it means. Is it an olive branch? Is it guilt?

I don't want to make a fool of myself by reaching out warmly only to be met with a cold shoulder, but I'm also aware I'm 71 years old and not getting any younger. I know better than to assume there's always more time to decide.

My husband says to leave it alone. My therapist says it's worth exploring. I find myself somewhere in the middle. — Waiting

Dear Waiting: Three years of silence, and she signed her name. That's not nothing.

You're right that it could mean several things. But here's what it almost certainly isn't: accidental. People don't dig up addresses and lick stamps by mistake.

Your husband wants to protect you from disappointment, and your therapist wants to protect you from regret. At 71, only you know which of those stings worse.

A short, warm note — not a reckoning, not a recap of 2023 — is a reasonable response. Something like: "It was good to hear from you. I've been thinking about you, too." Leave the door open without walking through it just yet. Let her show you what she meant.

Dear Annie: I've been trying to carry on a relationship with a woman for several years. We're both single senior citizens. When my family has an event, I am invited, but my lady friend isn't. This has been a problem for some time. She feels she should receive a personal invitation as well and that asking her to accompany me isn't sufficient. It makes her feel as though she's not wanted at the function.

Am I not seeing her perspective? Should she feel that if I'm invited, she's invited, too? She says that not getting a personal invitation is intentional and she's hurt. I feel I have to agree with and stand by her. Our relationship has stalled because of this. How do I get this across to my family? — Hurting

Dear Hurting: It all boils down to acknowledgment. After years together, your lady friend wants to feel seen by your family. That said, your relatives don't necessarily sound malicious. Most people assume that inviting one person in a long-term relationship means inviting both.

You understand both sides, so speak up. Tell your family how much it would mean to both of you for her to receive a personal invitation. To them, it may feel redundant; to her, it feels welcoming. An extra envelope is a small gesture, but to her, it will speak volumes.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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