Dear Annie: I have been in a relationship with a man for 10 years, and we have been engaged for four years. In the beginning, it was wonderful, and I am aware that all relationships go through ups and downs. I love him deeply, and oftentimes over the years I have put my needs, wants and desires aside in order to see him happy or to avoid confrontation.

We are two different people in many ways — from family to politics to overall worldviews. The saying, "opposites attract," is very much the case in our relationship.

I am an independent corporate woman who does not need a man to provide for me, but I do want this man to share my life with — the good, the bad, the dull, the exciting — all of it. The problem is that I have spent so many years putting him first in the relationship that now I need him to put me first, and he doesn't.

My child was diagnosed with cancer last year and is going through chemo treatments. As a mother, it is heartbreaking to watch your child go through this, and I struggle to be strong for my child, continuing to keep the household going and working a 40-hour-per-week corporate job.

I want the man I love to be my support, the person I lean on, the person who helps me smile on days when I just sit and cry. I want his arms to hold me and tell me he is here to help us through this.

Instead, he is more distant and often stays away all day. I suspect he does this in order to avoid dealing with the situation. Am I being overly sensitive, considering the stress I am feeling, or is it time to realize that I need more in a relationship for myself? — Feeling All Alone

Dear All Alone: You are not wrong to want him to hold you, cry with you and help you through one of the most difficult things a parent will ever face. In fact, you are completely human and have every right to ask for that in your relationship.

Just because in the past you put him above your own needs — which now you see might have not been the best choice because in order to take care of others, we must take care of ourselves first — does not mean you need to continue doing that. By writing this letter, you are finally taking care of yourself so that you can be there for your child. If he is distant and incapable of having any compassion or empathy during this time, then I would ask him to leave or at least tell him exactly what YOU need right now in the relationship.

Taking care of yourself and your child are your first priorities. If he falls short and is unable to help out, then make sure you lean on friends and family members who can be there for you during this time. Best of luck to you and your family.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Photo credit: zhivko at Pixabay