Evangelist preacher David Grisham Jr. appointed himself as the Truth Police to parade around a shopping mall in Amarillo, Texas, where children were lined up to sit on Santa's lap.

"We're going to tell the children today, the truth — that there is no Santa Claus," he said, looking into his cellphone camera as he recorded a YouTube video. "Christmas is about Jesus Christ. Jesus died on the cross for our sins. And Jesus was born in a manger 2,016 years ago."

With that, he bounced back and forth along the line, shouting, "The man you're going to see today is just a man in a suit, dressed up like Santa, but Santa does not exist. ... Santa is not real."

Parents yelled at him to shut up and go away. Finally, a group of beefy dads surrounded him and strongly recommended that he knock it off.

Word has it the Tooth Fairy is seeking Secret Service protection, and the Easter bunny reportedly has gone into hiding.

Tricks of the trade

Speaking of bunnies, Sen. Claire McCaskill, D-Mo., has called out the Agriculture Department on one of its weirdest regulations — that magicians must obtain a license and federally approved emergency plan to use a rabbit or other animal as a part of their act.

The regulation is aimed at animal exhibitors such as circuses and zoos. That's common sense. You want an emergency plan if an elephant or tiger could break free during a performance.

A rabbit in a magic act hardly meets that threat level. But, as magician Marty Hahne found out in 2013, the law didn't distinguish between bunnies and bears.

McCaskill said in a press release this week: "I relish the opportunity to arm-wrestle bureaucrats who dropped their common sense on their way into the office."

Ummm, cassava

Most Americans, to the extent they've eaten cassava at all, have done so thinking it was tapioca pudding. A few bold foodies may have tried cassava cakes or cassava fries, particularly when it's presented as a Latin American delicacy called yuca or mandioca. Whatever the name, it's a starchy tuber, heavy on the carbs and calories and an indispensable part of the diets in large parts of Africa.

Trouble is, it's been prone to viruses in recent years, reducing yields and leading scientists at the Danforth Plant Center in Creve Coeur to try to engineer a disease-resistant strain of cassava. Last week, the Danforth Center shared in a $10.4 million grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to support research into this essential food.

The grant could help scientists move their research out of laboratories and into fields across Africa. Millions of people depend on cassava for half of their daily calories. Congratulations to Nigel Taylor and his team at the Danforth Center for their important, life-saving work.

Kids and drugs: good news

What is it with kids today? Fewer of them are drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes than at any point in the last 40 years, according to this year's report from the University of Michigan's Monitoring the Future survey of American teenagers.

Researchers aren't sure what's behind the good news but believe that a decline in smoking may be the key to the decline in other drug experimentation. If tobacco is a gateway drug, then perhaps not using tobacco is a gateway, too.

Twenty-five years ago, one in nine high school seniors reported smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or more. This year fewer than one in 50 smoke that much. About 90 percent said they hadn't smoked at all in the previous month.

Only 37.3 percent said they'd been drunk in the previous month, down from 53.2 percent in 2001. Marijuana use is unchanged: 22.5 percent of seniors said they'd smoked weed within the past month and 6 percent said they smoke it every day.

All of this progress makes the decision by Missouri voters last month to reject higher cigarette taxes look even dumber than we thought.

Baseball grows up

For years Major League Baseball teams, including your St. Louis Cardinals, have engaged in time-honored hazing rituals requiring rookies to do silly things. Rookies visiting Wrigley Field in Chicago, for example, were sent across the street to Starbucks to stand in line, in full uniform, and bring back beverages to veterans.

There are new limits, thanks to a provision in a new collective bargaining agreement reached this month. The "anti-hazing and anti-bullying" clause forbids "dressing up as women or wearing costumes that may be offensive to individuals based on their race, sex, nationality, age, sexual orientation, gender identity or other characteristic."

No more Cardinals dressed as cheerleaders. No more Padres dressed as Hooters waitpersons. It appears, for now, that the gag at the new Wrigleyville Starbucks is still OK.

Uber outlaws guns, sex

Good manners are breaking out all over. Last week the ride-sharing company Uber updated its "community guidelines," reminding users that they could lose access to the service for having sex in their Uber car: "That's no sexual conduct with drivers or fellow riders, no matter what."

You're not allowed to break local laws, drink, swear or otherwise make fellow riders and drivers uncomfortable. No flirting. You're not supposed to leave a mess, such as spilling food or drink. And no vomiting in the car, no matter how badly overserved you may be.

There's also a clear prohibition against carrying firearms in an Uber car. Wait till the Missouri Legislature hears about that one.

REPRINTED FROM THE ST LOUIS POST DISPATCH