The truth, as we all know, is that profanity is part of the grown-up world. It's in our movies, music, video games and television. Our children will hear it and, yes, they will use it. If you've never heard an adolescent use the acronym "AF," then you're not listening. Don't know what the acronym stands for? Ask a teen. Or Google it.

I don't censor my kids and I don't censor myself. No topic is off the table and questions are welcome. Instead of forbidding profanity in our household, we prefer to give it context. We focus on the difference between expression and contempt while also teaching our kids about appropriate time and place — much like you would teach a child how to dress for special occasions. You can shoot the sh— with your friends but not with your teachers.

Sure, we've had a few bumps along the way. There was the hip-hop music grandma didn't appreciate, and there was the time my then 10-year-old misjudged a relaxed conversation with my boss as the go-ahead. But formality in speech often accompanies structured situations, so I understand that confusion. And even though these were both awkward situations, they were learning opportunities. Not everyone appreciates colorful language — especially from children. When it comes to cursing in the workplace, my advice to my teens was this: Always let your boss drop the first "f-bomb." That ice isn't yours to break.

Our home is a safe place for expression. The last thing I want is for my kid to stumble through an important disclosure or an awkward question in fear of saying the wrong thing and getting into trouble. When a kid gets in trouble over saying "bad words," the adult is not listening to what the teen is attempting to communicate, and the child is no longer focused on the importance of what he's trying to say.

That said, I do expect an articulation of feelings, not a mere string of expletives and name-calling out of frustration. If that happens, I tell them, "All I know is that you're angry, but I still don't know why." Name-calling is contempt and we discuss this point a lot. Contempt erodes a relationship. Contempt in communication is unproductive and arguably implies condescension. You don't need a curse word to name-call. Contempt is the issue, not the word itself. Name-calling, whether you call someone a jerk, stupid or something more profane, is hurtful regardless.

I'm totally OK with an exasperated declaration of "This homework is a b—-," but I'm absolutely not OK with an angry "You are a b—-!" I want to teach my kids to use their words more effectively than that.

We do have one exception to this no-word-is-a-bad-word rule: Racial slurs. They have no place in effective communication. The f-bomb is OK. A racial slur warrants serious discussion. Both are profane and have vulgar and even contemptuous uses but only one is universally offensive and unacceptable. Inappropriate. A racial slur is never OK. Regardless, I want my kids to keep talking so we can keep learning.

Check out Bonnie's weekly YouTube videos at https://www.youtube.com/bonniejeanfeldkamp. To find out more about Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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