Dear Annie: Twenty years ago, I divorced my former wife. (I'll call her "Twisted.") For those same 20 years, I have been campaigning to get my deceased mother's wedding rings back.
Twisted has moved in with a new husband and has a new baby, and they live eight hours away. Other than a chance meeting once every couple of years, I have had absolutely no contact whatsoever with her, which is just wonderful as far as I'm concerned.
Twisted always has denied having my mom's rings. However, our daughter paid her a visit recently. My ex displayed the rings, then abruptly told our daughter, "The next time you'll see these is when they put me in the ground." My daughter was terribly hurt, knowing that her mother had lied to her all these years and also that Mom had no intention of returning the rings so our daughter could wear them.
I would like to present my mother's rings to my daughter one day. They obviously belong in my family. Why would my ex-wife want them when there is absolutely no connection to her? How can I go about retrieving them? — Just Wondering in Canada
Dear Canada: Your ex-wife wants the rings because they once were hers, they apparently are attractive and expensive, and most importantly, keeping them is a convenient way to irritate and punish you.
Were the rings mentioned in the divorce settlement? If so, she must return them. If not, see an attorney about suing your ex for those rings. At the very least, you should have an agreement giving the rings to your daughter at a future time.
Some wives retain the family rings after a divorce, and you might indeed have to wait until your ex dies. But that's better than finding out she gave the rings to someone outside the family. Make sure you get it in writing.
Dear Annie: My husband is 71 years old and has prostate problems. He has seen the doctor several times and is on medication, but still has some urinary incontinence. We solved part of the problem by having him sleep wearing adult diapers, but during the day, he positively reeks.
This morning, he sat at my computer, and even after he left the room, the odor of urine lingered. I have discussed with him the necessity of changing his clothing more often, but it doesn't really solve anything. If the odor offends me, certainly it bothers others with whom he comes in contact. I am embarrassed for him. Do you have any suggestions? — Sensitive Nose
Dear Sensitive: Has your husband spoken to his doctor or a urologist about the problem? This is no time to be delicate. Tell your husband that the odor is noticeable. He needs to discuss his incontinence with his doctor and ask about medication and/or Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic muscles.
Dear Annie: I love your column and thought you might like a solution for getting the bride to write shower thank-you notes.
As a shower gift, I like to give an attractive address book and make sure the new bride opens it early. I present it with a pretty pen (for the names) and a nice matching pencil (for the addresses — people move). Then, after the book is opened, I suggest the bride pass it around and have the guests fill in their names and addresses. It makes the gift extra-special, and the bride then has addresses for thank-you notes, Christmas cards and other occasions for which she might need an address. — Mayfield, Ky.
Dear Mayfield: Now that's an idea we can get behind. It's charming and practical, and it doesn't offend anyone by demanding that the guests address their own thank-you notes. Thank you.
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