Based on emails I get from many women, I sometimes find it hard to believe that we are living in the 21st century! It is just so sad, and even shocking, what some men will do to their wives or ex wives. In these cases, I'm not talking about physical abuse, although I can only imagine what some of the women who share their stories with me have had to put up with. But I am talking about how some men treat women emotionally and financially — and more specifically, how Social Security gets involved in these matters. I've dealt with these issues before. (One of my columns that got the most feedback from readers was titled something like, "When you are married to a jerk!") However, the sad emails from sometimes desperate women just keep flowing into my inbox, so I've got to address the issue again.

Q: I was married to my first husband for 8 years. He died a long time ago. I've been married to my second husband for 35 years. A few years ago, I had a stroke, which left me with many problems. I am doing much better than I was in the past, but I still have many physical and emotional issues. Ever since the stroke, my husband has been aloof and distant from me. Sometime even hostile. We are both in our early 60s. He would never let me work outside the home, so I don't have any Social Security of my own. He gets a nice pension from his former employer. He won't let me share in that. I was hoping to get some of his Social Security, but he refuses to sign up for those benefits just to keep me from getting anything. What can I do?

A: Frankly, I'm not sure why you are still married to this guy. But from a Social Security perspective, I can tell you that you should dump his sorry butt as soon as possible.

As long as you are married to him, you cannot get benefits on his Social Security record until he is getting benefits himself. But if you are divorced, you could claim benefits from him even though he isn't getting anything. (There is sometimes a two-year waiting period to claim benefits after a divorce, but still, the sooner he is out of your life the better off you will eventually be.

Also, once you are divorced, you might be eligible for widow's benefits off your first husband's Social Security record.

Q: My husband and I are getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage. I worked for a short while before we were married, but was a stay-at-home mom for the past three decades. To put it mildly, our divorce is an acrimonious one. He was a philandering fool, but he blames me for driving him into the arms of his mistresses! I am frankly happy to be rid of him. I was about to sign the divorce papers, but my lawyer just informed me that my husband and his lawyer are insisting on a clause in our divorce decree that stipulates that I cannot have access to any of his Social Security, both while he is alive and after he is gone. My lawyer tells me we should hold out and fight this in the courts. I thought I recall a past column in which you discussed something similar. What can I do?

A: First, you can think about getting a new lawyer. Second, you can sign the divorce papers. That Social Security clause your husband wants added to the divorce decree is totally meaningless. Social Security law says that you will be eligible for divorced spouse's benefits on his record as long as you meet the eligibility criteria. In a nutshell, the rules say you would get part of his Social Security if you are at least 62 years old; he is also at least 62 years old; you are not currently married, and you are not due higher benefits on your own Social Security record. Anything your husband's lawyer scribbles into a divorce decree about Social Security cannot supersede federal law. Your lawyer should have known this and told you so.

Q: For the past 25 years, my husband and I have owned a small store in which we sell and repair vacuum cleaners. I do the selling, and he does the repairing. Even though the vast majority of our income comes from the sales end of the business, my husband (and his accountant, who is one of his oldest friends) has always insisted that all of the profits, and therefore all of the Social Security credits, be listed under his name and Social Security number on our tax return. I was always OK with this. But now we are getting a divorce, and I worried that I was dumb to go along with their little accounting scheme. I am 58 years old, and now I'm starting to worry about my retirement years.

A: First, the bad news. There is really nothing you can do to go back and fix this and add earnings to your Social Security record. Having said that, you maybe are being too hard on yourself by saying you were "dumb" to go along with their accounting gimmicks. You certainly are not alone in this situation. In my 40 plus years of working on Social Security issues, I've encountered thousands of moms in a "mom and pop" business who got the short end of the Social Security stick — just like you. I have only met a handful of women who jointly split the income with their husbands, which is what I think you and your husband should have done. And interestingly, I have never once met a couple where the wife had all the earnings (and Social Security credits) put into her name.

The good news is that you will derive something from Social Security for all the years you spent working in this business. But it will all come off of his record. Once you are 62 years old, you will get a divorced wife's benefit from his Social Security. At that age, it will be 35 percent of his full benefit. (You could get up to 50 percent if you wait until age 66 to file.) And when he dies, you could get up to 100 percent of his Social Security in the form of divorced widow's benefits. But all of this is assuming you don't do something foolish like run off and marry another wonderful guy!

If you have a Social Security question, Tom Margenau has the answer. Contact him at thomas.margenau@comcast.net. To find out more about Tom Margenau and to read past columns and see features from other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.