You're excellent at your job. Your work is first-rate and always completed on schedule. Your attitude is an inspiration to managers and co-workers alike.

Yet...

Yet, you are failing so completely on one critical job requirement that you could be fired at any second.

What's the problem?

You're no fun.

No fun in the office. No fun at office parties. No fun when the gang gets together for drinks after — or during — work. All your lazy, uncaring, apathetic co-workers are fun. Your managers are a clown car. But not you.

You're no fun at all.

If the importance of being fun at work escapes you, allow me to direct you to "French Man Wins Right to Not Be Fun at Work," a recent article by Rachel Pannett in The Washington Post.

As Pannett reports, "France's highest court has ruled that a man fired by a Paris-based consulting firm for allegedly failing to be 'fun' enough at work was wrongfully dismissed."

Yes, the "highest court." It's the equivalent of our Supreme Court affirming your constitutional right to put a whoopee cushion on the CEO's desk chair.

The French man — identified in court papers as "Mr. T" — not our Mr. T, I assume — was fired for "refusing to take part in seminars and weekend social events that his lawyers claimed included 'excessive alcoholism' and 'promiscuity.'"

Moreover, Mr. T testified that "the 'fun' culture in the company involved humiliating and intrusive practices, including mock sexual acts, crude nicknames, and obliging him to share his bed with another employee during work functions."

And you thought your office's holiday parties were bad.

As you might expect, the company that hired and actually promoted Mr. T, putting up with his serious fun deficit for more than four years, cited different reasons for his firing. They "criticized his 'brittle and demotivating tone' toward subordinates and alleged inability to accept feedback and differing points of view."

That's France for you. In the U.S., an employee showing these attributes wouldn't be fired; they'd be promoted.

It's too late to retool Mr. T to adapt to today's fun business culture, but I do believe that you could still become a laugh riot. All it takes is a credit card.

No. 1: If you can't put on a smile, put on a mask.

No one knows what's going on inside your head, but as a quick visit to halloweenexpress.com proves, there are a variety of business-appropriate masks you can put on your head. For example, a "Chimp Face Mask" ($22.98) would be a hilarious but subtle commentary on the strategic geniuses running your company. An "Adult Beer Mug Mask" ($12.98) says you're ready to party hearty, while an "Adult Egg Mask" ($12.98) shows you're in on the yolk (get it?) A "Mr. Robot Mask" ($3.97) says you're ready to follow orders, while a "Hip-Hop Hamster Mask" ($5.27) says you're ready for another spin on the hamster wheel at the drop of an email from the boss.

For the truly motivated, a "Premium Gorilla Costume" ($169.99) is the way to go. It got King Kong to the top, and it will do the same for you.

No. 2: Get yourself a personal laugh track.

Does no one else chuckle when you report the massive losses the company is experiencing? You provided the facts. Now provide the laughs. "Joffreg The Novelty Big Laugh Sound Button," $15.99 on Amazon, produces a variety of giggles and guffaws, including "a.ha.ha.ha!", "hahahaha", "a.hahaha.a.hahaha!" The laugh button can play more than 2,000 times before the batteries need to be replaced, but I wouldn't worry. By that time, you'll be running the place.

No. 3: Don't ignore the classics.

Forget Harvard Business School. A visit to Archie McPhee (mcphee.com) will provide everything you need to laugh your way to the executive suite. Like "Wind-Up Chattering Teeth" ($4.95). Just start those plastic chompers chattering when a senior manager begins a major presentation and watch as merriment ensues. And what could be a more versatile business tool than a "Deluxe Rubber Chicken" ($8.95)? Imagine the laughter when you kick off a client meeting by pulling a rubber chicken out of your briefcase and delivering the first 10 minutes of your sales pitch with a variety of hearty clucks.

That's all it takes. Put on your gorilla suit, start your laugh track and grab your deluxe rubber chicken. Instantly, you'll go from "no fun" to "most fun." And if that doesn't work, there's always that whoopee cushion. (It's $14.95 and worth every penny.)

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: klimkin at Pixabay