Here's an interesting idea: What if the highly popular British show "The Crown" hooked up with the highly popular American show "The Office"?

Specifically, your office.

At first glance, you may think there is nothing in the story of superrich, supersnobby aristocrats that could relate to the scrappy strivers with whom you work.

Surprise!

"The Crown" has all the low-down scheming and under-the-radar conspiracies you see every day at your office — even when you're separated from your workmates and your managers by dozens of miles and dozens of Zooms.

I do have to admit that the workers in "The Crown" have pretty plush workplaces to do their plotting and conniving. Their downtown London headquarters are Buckingham Palace, and when the management team gets tired of their city castle, they can take a break at Balmoral Castle, a bucolic branch office in Scotland with only 52 rooms.

Heavens, you must be feeling claustrophobic already.

I will also admit that pay scales are different. The queen earns about $100 million a year, buzzing around the country, cutting ribbons — and unless there are Aubusson tapestries in your conference room and doodles by Michelangelo and DaVinci in your break room, office furnishing differs as well. Still, if you hope to join the royal family at your office, binge-watching "The Crown" could do wonders for your career.

Pull up a tuffet, and I'll tell you all about it.

No. 1: Every office has a queen.

Or a king. It makes no difference. What's important for you to understand is that even though their royal throne is an Aeron chair, an office queen is an absolute ruler whose royal proclamations must never be challenged.

Even if you are invited to give an opposing opinion, don't do it. Office queens really don't want better ideas. They only want to be worshipped.

No. 2: Every office has a prince.

The queen chooses the office prince, usually for their abilities of brown-nosing and back-stabbing.

On "The Crown," that's Prince Charles, as nasty a character as you'll ever see roaming the halls of the HR department.

In real life, a prince is easily recognized by his medals and ribbons. In the office, spotting a prince is more difficult. This is why you must pay attention when someone comes into your office, or your Zoom meeting, to entice you to gossip about the queen.

You'll be flattered to be the subject of the prince's attention, but don't be fooled.

They're not out to get your honest opinion; they're just out to get you.

No. 3: Every office has a Margaret.

An enlightening story on this season of "The Crown" occurs when the very buttoned-up prime minister, Margaret Thatcher, shows up at the country castle in her city clothes. As Margaret quickly learns, wearing the wrong clothes at the right time can damage the career of even the most successful employee.

If you receive an invitation to a royal function, and you're advised it's business-casual, be careful. You'll never succeed if you don't know when to wear khakis and when to wear a kilt.

No. 4: Every office has a Diana and a Camilla.

The most instructive business story in this season of "The Crown" concerns what happens to poor Lady Diana Spencer, whose fairy-tale relationship with Prince Charles goes sour, even though she is cute as a button.

Though Charles pledges his loyalty to Diana, the prince is actually in love with a horsey hussy named Camilla.

There's a tragic outcome, but an educational one for thee and me.

You may find yourself wooed by a charming prince, who insists that you are the most wonderful person in the company. The prince promotes you to a corner office and lavishes you with money and titles. As a result, you drop your old, commoner friends and start bossing everyone around.

There's no happy ending.

Turns out, it doesn't matter that you are cute as a button. Your prince will eventually dump you for Camilla, who sits in her lowly cubical, quietly grooming her jumpers and sabotaging your career.

You were toast of the town. Now you're just toast.

Still want to be part of the royal family?

Being queen is nice, though cutting all those ribbons can become a drag. That's why I recommend you spend your days as a commoner, unknown and unnoticed in a dusty corner of the royal palace.

Remember: British queens may no longer cut off your head, but cross an office queen and she will cut off your salary.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Pexels at Pixabay