Know the secret for turning a bad job into a really good job?

Get fired.

Yes, when that notice of termination arrives, you will instantly realize all the good things about your job, all of which you missed because you were so busy hating it.

The boss who bugged you. The co-workers who annoyed you. Even the snippy receptionist who gave you the stink eye every time you came in a few hours late. Suddenly, they will transform themselves from monsters into the most wonderful people you ever met.

"We'll have to stay in touch, BFF," you tell the IT guy you've despised ever since he made you delete all six of your dating apps from the main server. "How about coming over to my place this Saturday for a brewski and some wings? I guess we both know I won't have a date."

For readers of The Balance Careers website, one big question when it comes to termination is, "When can an employer fire you by phone or email?" And so we come to a post with exactly that title from Alison Doyle.

"Your soon-to-be-former employer doesn't have to be nice when they fire you," Doyle writes.

To which your brilliant mind can produce only one response, "Duh."

Your employer was never nice to you when you had the job. Why should the situation be any better when they're pushing you out the door?

You will not be surprised to learn that, in most cases, your employers can fire you pretty much any way they want. Phone, email, text, tweet, Facebook post, paper airplane, spitball — they're all acceptable.

Personally, I like an employer who shows a little class when doing their firing. Why not do it up big with sky-writing? You go outside for your usual three-hour lunch, look up, and there it is — your name followed by a celebratory message, like "Guess what, sucker, you're history!" spread out across the sky.

Now that's a firing notification you just gotta love.

Despite the fact that they are allowed by law to fire you with carrier pigeons, Doyle writes that "most employers know that these methods of firing would hurt staff morale."

I'm not sure this is true. Though staff morale may sink a bit when they learn you've been fired by a heartless email, their general joy at realizing they will not have to work with you anymore should lift spirits all across the company.

No matter how you are notified, your company will likely have "standard policies for firing and discharging staff." The reason for this is obvious. Even if firing decisions are made by the CEO and the CFO playing rock, paper, scissors, the process is likely to be legal as long as it is written down.

"Detailed documentation of your separation" is what is required in most companies, and management will probably have to come up with reasons more specific than "hate that shirt" or "you bugged us."

This is why companies have human resources departments — to make sure they have the resources to make employees as miserable as humanly possible.

It is HR that serves you the amuse bouche of the termination process — a personal improvement plan. The fact that you are now being fired suggests that you have not personally improved according to the plan.

That's on you.

After all, HR gave you a full 15 minutes to turn it around.

"Almost all organizations do have a set process for discharging staff," Doyle explains, so if it you are thinking of challenging the decision to fire you as capricious, you're not likely to win.

"We totally followed our approved process," HR will tell you. "The management team met at midnight under a full moon. We tied your personnel file to a brick and threw it into a lake. The file sank, so we knew that you were possessed by evil spirits and had to be fired."

Call it crazy, but, hey, it's the set process.

If you do feel that you were fired for "illegal reasons or if company policy is violated," you could sue for wrongful termination. This is a risky and potentially expensive way to go. You do have one excellent legal argument: Any company so screwed up they would hire you hire you is likely to screw up firing you.

Alison Doyle's last words on the subject of firing are "firings can happen to anyone" so you shouldn't "beat yourself up."

I agree, let your bosses beat you up. They're good at it.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He now works out of Bellingham, Washington. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: at Pixabay