Good news! It's not too late to save 2019.
Yes, your New Year's resolutions have been smashed. Your hopes and dreams have been dashed. Still, there is enough 2019 left to turn it around. All you have to do is read Anne Fisher's hopeful post on the Fortune website.
"5 Career Moves You'll (Probably) Make in 2019" is the title of the piece, and if you are thinking that digging yourself out of the career muck and mire in which you are entombed will take a lot more than five moves, you owe it to yourself — and your sanity — to take a look at a few.
Move No. 1 is "negotiate for a raise, or change jobs for more money."
Asking for more money: Now that's a move you've never thought of. Or, at least, never acted on. You held back because you believed that your employer would rather replace you than pay you. And this was probably the case — until 2019.
As Fisher explains, "Demand for many of the most-wanted job skills of 2018 is still rising (and at an even faster clip than in 2018)." Moreover, more people are leaving jobs for better pay, leaving behind positions that will need to be filled.
This "gigantic game of musical chairs" means that replacing you might not be as easy as you or your employer previously believed. Faced with having to pay a whole lot more dollars to lose you, your managers may decide it's better to spend a few more pennies to keep you.
If you can't find financial joy at your current firm, the advice is to look at "businesses with 50 to 499 employees. They brought 129,000 new staffers on board in December 2018." Companies with 500 or more employees hired less than half as many. (How many of these December hires were to play Santa at shopping malls, we don't know.)
"Raise a glass at lots of retirement parties" is Move No. 2.
If you've been waiting for a baby boomer to make room for a baby like yourself, 2019 could be your year. "A new report from Glassdoor predicts that a tsunami of Boomer retirements will finally hit corporate America, beginning in 2019."
Here's more good demographic news. "The U.S. birth rate hit a 30-year low ... in 2018," which "means no end in sight for tight labor markets."
Want to help nature give older workers a shove? Tell your managers how well they're looking — considering their age. Give them the latest statistics about fatal diseases that go undetected for decades and then, suddenly, rise up to smite a seemingly healthy individual. Tell them about your Uncle Harry, who had always dreamed of spending his golden years traveling around the country in an Airstream but dropped dead the day after his retirement party.
The more your baby boomers focus on their end, the faster you can begin.
(For me, the explanation for the lower birth rate is obvious. Everyone is spending so much time at work these days, there's just no time to do what is necessary to give it a boost.)
Move No. 3 is to "learn Blockchain, Python or Hadoop online for free."
In 2019, more jobs will require more technology. Taking a free online course in these exotic computer languages is a way to "future-proof" yourself. It's a good idea but somewhat unrealistic, as you have yet to learn how to charge your flip phone.
Better spend your time learning something useful, like how to cook. That way, you can invite the boss over for dinner and schmooze your way to the top. Python and Hadoop won't get you there — but a Roasted Pumpkin, Marjoram and Blue Cheese Frittata can.
"Get used to the idea that, yes, Big Brother is watching" is Move No. 4.
A new technology called "'email scraping' applies a complex algorithm to your email conversations, designed to determine your state of mind and your level of engagement in your job."
Considering the amount of grousing and gossiping that pervades every email you send, this algorithm is not your friend.
Fortunately, there is one piece of new technology that will definitely work for you. Companies may now be putting sensors in office chairs to "record how long you've been parked at your desk." Since it is unlikely that the sensors can differentiate between sitting at your desk, working versus sitting at your desk, napping, the resulting data will make you out to be the hardest-working employee in the company.
And, hey, nobody can argue with an algorithm.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He now works out of Bellingham, Washington. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at creators.com.
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