Here's the good news: The economy is opening up and there are jobs you can qualify for.

Here's the bad news: The economy is opening up and there are jobs you must interview for.

The interview. It's the biggest — and shortest — stumbling block between you and a long, successful career. It's scary to think that 30 minutes of chit and 30 minutes of chat could change your entire life, but that's the way it was when you would interview, toe to toe, in some anonymous conference room, and it's still the same today when you interview from the discomfort of your home. The interview may be virtual, but the terror is real.

Fortunately, you can hide behind the skirts of Vanessa Friedman of The New York Times, who just published a therapeutic article in her "Ask Vanessa" column.

The question du jour: "What Should I Wear to a Zoom Interview?"

Now, you may think that what you wear is the least important part of a virtual interview, and you may be right, but before you start burrowing through the sea of sweatpants that fill your closet, it would be worthwhile to evaluate the clothes you used to wear when going to work meant you left your kitchen table.

It was Elizabeth of Brooklyn who asked Vanessa for guidance on the matter. To get into the nitty-gritty, Elizabeth is starting to Zoomerview, but is torn between a corporate look — "black blazer, dress, jewelry and makeup," which she is afraid is "too stodgy and old-school looking" — and "pretty hippie blouses with embroidery and floral patterns," a look which she feels is "not respectful somehow."

Not an easy choice to make.

On the one hand, there are important advantages to stodgy. Stodgy says you're not going to make trouble by being hyperaggressive and super successful, making everyone else on the team look bad, especially the person who is doing the interview.

On the other hand, there is much in favor of going nuts and going hippie. Rampant individualism is catnip to groovy web start-ups, weeks away from going belly up.

Friedman does not agree with the latter strategy, which is why she cautioned Elizabeth that "Though it may be tempting to play up your character and personality through the screen with colorful and idiosyncratic clothing, you don't want your clothes to take focus away from what you are saying."

Nonsense! Anything that takes focus away from your meager resume and bad attitude is a plus. Plus, weeks later, after the interviewing process is completed and the hiring manager is reviewing the 35 candidates they interviewed in 35 Zoom meetings, they'll never remember which one has an MBA from Harvard, but they'll certainly remember that likeable nutjob who came to the interview wearing a bunny suit.

So much for "playing it safe."

My best advice for job seekers is to not obsess about the clothes you wear. Focus instead about how you are presenting the "total you."

For example, why not conduct the interview while you are riding on your Peloton bike? What better way to show that you are an energetic go-getter who will provide endless opportunities for ridicule when you come to work wearing your bike shorts.

Alternately, you can show your individuality by moving past pedestrian norms and coming out of the Zoom waiting room totally naked. This may shock you — and the interviewer — but, as every HR-person knows, with resume fraud rampant, nothing makes a candidate look more upfront with their career history than full-frontal nudity.

Finally, a smart strategy may be to embrace the hard times we're going through by dressing like a character out of "Bridgerton." I'm not talking about taking your wardrobe cues from Lady Portia Featherington or the Duke of Hastings, though a diamond tiara and chest full of military medals never hurt (unless you are using the naked strategy, in which case it will hurt quite a lot.) The look you want is the dingy and dirty rags worn by the tradespeople and the peasants.

In this strategy, you don't wear makeup or shave or take a bath for two weeks before the interview. It will be painful to tear up your Tom Ford blazer and rip your Giorgio Armani Tulle Balloon pants to shreds, but think of the sympathy you will surely receive from even the most hardhearted interviewer. Just don't go too far into the world of "Bridgerton" and answer salary questions by requesting "just a tuppence or two, guv'nor."

That just might be what you get.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: styles66 at Pixabay