This is what I wrote four years ago about parents who fear that their kids are involved in risky behavior:

"Today's techno-driven landscape presents a whole new challenge for parents. It's hard enough to keep up with, much less keep tabs on, what our kids are doing, where they are going and whom they are connecting with. For parents who think their children are dabbling with danger — drugs included — when is it OK, if ever, to sneak a peek into their e-mail or check the caller ID on their cell phones or find out whom they chat with on social networking sites?

"I don't know. Like most parents, I am resigned to the reality that trial and error is probably the only realistic approach.

"But with my own three teenagers, I set clear expectations. Until you fall short of my expectations, I tell them, you've got my implicit trust. But trust is a two-way street. If I trust you, you've got to trust me, I say, especially if you make a mistake or need help with a drug problem. Come to me. It is OK to ask for help."

I don't need to tell you that things have gotten more complicated since 2010. From "smarter" phones that deliver anything young people want but may not need 24/7 to the medicalization and legalization of marijuana across the nation to drugs of misuse that didn't even exist four years ago, it's tougher than ever for parents to raise healthy children. The alternative is to give in or, worse, give up. And I doubt that any reader who is also a parent is ready to do that. So fight on! You're not alone. I'm with you. I, too, continue to struggle with the balance of trusting my own kids, enforcing the rules by holding them firmly accountable without severing the lifeline that's secured our relationship through the good times and bad. My four years hasn't been easy.

In those halcyon days of parenting when our kids were long out of diapers but not quite into the thick of their tricky teens, I resolutely promised my three that I'd buy each of them a car if they'd just say no and not experiment with any substance — legal or illegal — before they turned 21. I figured my own story of addiction and their mother's were the breastwork of a fortress to keep the enemy of substances at bay. And when I added the codicil that it was OK for them to come to me and ask for help, never did I imagine that any of them would. Every kid wants a car.

Four years later, this father is off the hook for one car and two cars and, yes, three.

The details are our family's business. But there are no secrets in my monthly lecture to parents with kids in treatment. In sharing the ups and downs of my own experiences as a father in long-term recovery from addiction, other parents hear that what's happened isn't their fault, that nothing they can do can force their loved one to stop using long enough to get well and that no matter what happens next, they must take care of themselves and recover in their own right.

These mothers and fathers and grandparents also hear what I've learned from my own parenting trials, tribulations and successes. I'll never relinquish my obligations and opportunities to pay attention to what my kids are doing, even after they're grown up and into their own independence. I will trust them as much as I trust my instincts. I will always be ready to talk openly with them until they say, "Dad, be quiet." When I worry about the poor choices they make, I'll tell them — the same way I'll celebrate the good decisions they make. None of what they do or I do or we do will ever be perfect. We are human. But never will any of us feel alone if they ask for my help or I need theirs.

William Moyers is the vice president of public affairs and community relations for the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation and the author of "Broken," his best-selling memoirs. His book "Now What? An Insider's Guide to Addiction and Recovery" was published last year. Please send your questions to William Moyers at wmoyers@hazelden.org. To find out more about William Moyers and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.