DR. WALLACE: My parents are both very successful professionals, and each have what I'd classify as "brainiac" jobs. They're both bright, responsible and well-regarded in their careers and our local community.
Unfortunately for me, I'm an only child. I say "unfortunately" because this puts all of their focus on me. If I had one brother and one sister, for example, there would only be one-third as much pressure on me.
So even though I'm an excellent student and I study hard, if I'm not perfect, they are very disappointed. I know I'm lucky that I have a good base of intelligence to work with, but at the same time I'm human and will not be perfect, no matter how hard I try.
And beyond this, I need a bit of a social life too. I can only study so long and so hard before I want to take a break and be a typical 16-year-old girl who wants to laugh and be silly for a few hours with her close friends. Thank goodness I have some great friends, because I'd be in big trouble without them to help me cope with the pressure I feel in my life.
I can also add that I was born here in America but my parents each came from a different foreign country, and they met here in the United States at a prestigious graduate school.
What can I do to convince my parents to not be so hard on me and to let me breathe a little? I have a really good GPA and I am ready soon to apply to several great colleges plus I have a very reputable career planned for my future.
But for now, I crave balance in my life, and I crave supportive parents who are nonjudgmental. Is this too much to ask? — Under Pressure, via email
UNDER PRESSURE: Your request is not too much to ask, and in fact is quite normal and reasonable. I suggest you explain your situation with both a counselor at your school and one of your favorite teachers.
Perhaps they can assuage some of your parents' pressure by singing your praises to them and explaining just how responsible and hardworking you already are, especially compared to your peers.
Sometimes parents take very responsible teenagers for granted and this seems to be the case with yours in my opinion, based on what I've gathered. It's fantastic that your parents are both very successful and I trust you will follow in their footsteps, but in your own way, and they should both be supportive of that. Getting this message through is at times difficult, but sometimes having an independent third party like a counselor or teacher state your case can really help. Give this a try as a first step.
I DON'T GET ASKED OUT ENOUGH AND I'M LONELY
DR. WALLACE: I'm a shy girl in my junior year of high school; I have never asked a boy I like out on a date. I've been asked out on dates only twice in my life, and both times I broke things off within two months because I could see that the guys were not right for me.
One started talking down to me and telling me how to dress and how to act, and the other one started to pressure me physically and then he grew distant and cold when I rebuffed his crude advances.
At least I have my self-esteem intact somewhat since I knew to extract myself from situations I knew were not right, even though each time I felt lonely and a bit depressed for several weeks when I resumed my "single" life. My question is, how can I get more compatible guys to ask me out in the future? I'm not bad looking but I'm no beauty queen either. I see myself as a normal, average-looking girl with an above-average heart and mind. What can I do from here? — Stuck Being Single, via email
STUCK BEING SINGLE: I commend you for moving on quickly once you knew a relationship was not compatible for you nor in your best interest. That mindset and skill is a very valuable one for anyone of any age to possess, and for you to have developed it quite well at your young age is an excellent accomplishment.
From here, seek out compatibility via commonality in advance as much as you can. Think about what hobbies, skills and interests you have. Then look to network in those areas, both at your school and in your community.
Also speak with friends, neighbors and trusted adults. You might be surprised at some of the quality introductions that might come your way via these avenues. When seeking out compatible dating partners, it's much better to be proactive than reactive. Don't sit back and wait for a random person who does not truly know you at all (or care too much about your feelings) to take up your time just to quell the loneliness you feel. But simply waiting around and hoping that a perfect person will miraculously arrive to ask you out on a date out of the blue is not a good dating strategy either.
Instead, be proactive so that you can circulate in environments that are more compatible for you to find someone to date that has a better chance at meshing with you and your own unique mindset and personality. Volunteer work, clubs that interest you and hobbies like music and art can be places to start spending social time in an effort to make a few friends first, based upon common interests. Each and every person has their own set of interests, so think thoughtfully and carefully about yours and then seek to network in those genres.
Once in those environments, speak up a bit when you come across someone interesting. Ask safe, open-ended questions and start out discussing the topic at hand. Seek to make as many friends as you can in these areas, and at some point, a nice dating opportunity or two will arise — either directly or via a referral or introduction. I feel this strategy will give you something to look forward to and enjoy as you continue your search to date compatible individuals.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Element5 Digital at Unsplash
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