DR. WALLACE: My mother passed away several years ago, and I'm a girl who now lives with her father and stepmother. My stepmother runs a part-time home-based business that's relatively modest, and my father has a corporate executive job. That is the main source of income for our family.
This means my stepmom is home at the house when I arrive back from school in the afternoons. Sometimes I like to invite a friend over to hang out with me at my house for a few hours before dinner time.
The first time I invited this one particular friend over, my stepmother kind of fumed around the house and watched us carefully to see what we were doing, but she didn't intervene. The second time through the fourth time that this friend came to my house, my stepmother interrupted us within the first five minutes and told me that I needed to help her with some chores. I tried to explain that I would help with the chores immediately after my friend left or after dinner, but my stepmother would hear none of it.
My friend, to her credit, volunteered to help me and my stepmother with the chores and my stepmother agreed. We ended up doing laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming, and various other tasks around the house. Since this has now happened three times in a row, I think it's intentional! It appears my stepmother is leveraging the two of us to do more chores around the house to help her so that she will have less to do to maintain the family home. I haven't said anything to my father about this because I want to have a good relationship, if possible, with my stepmother. What should I do? — She Turns Us Into Employees, via email
SHE TURNS US INTO EMPLOYEES: I agree with you in that three times in a row does seem to be an intentional pattern, not just some random happenstance.
I feel you gave your stepmother enough leeway not to say anything thus far, but the time has come to diplomatically let your father know what's going on. Perhaps you can receive advance permission to spend time at your friend's house after school occasionally if that's possible.
In any case, your stepmother should be respectful to you and your friend and flexible enough to be sure that there are other times of day or evening that you can help out around the house. Everyone deserves a chance to socialize with friends, even two girls who are students and friends.
I'M BEYOND WORRIED ABOUT MY ROOMMATE'S BINGING
DR. WALLACE: I'm a first-year college student who is female and I have a female roommate who is also a freshman. She and I didn't know each other before we became roommates.
We get along well enough, and she seems to be a pretty serious student, but I noticed that about twice a month, she will drink herself to the point that she can barely function, walk or make it to her bed. She usually misses the entire next day if it's a school day, and if she does her binge drinking on a Saturday night or Sunday night, she literally spends the entire next day in bed at our apartment.
I'm really worried about her. Is there anything I can do to intervene to get her to see just how dangerous this is? - Worried About My Roommate, via email
WORRIED ABOUT MY ROOMMATE: Your letter didn't mention whether or not she has family members that you are aware of, but if so, you definitely want to mention this to any of her family members you may be able to contact. You might think it first that I'm asking you to breach your trust, but in reality, I'm asking you to take proactive steps that could truly save her life or at least the extremely dangerous trajectory she is presently on.
When a young female, such as your roommate, puts herself in this position and is completely out of control, anything can happen. She could be subjected to all kinds of dangerous situations.
Intervention is needed here, and it may be a bit easier for you because you haven't known her for a long period of time. Your letter obviously demonstrates that you care about her, and that is a great thing. Don't look the other way; seek to make direct contact with her family or go to your school administrative office and request that they contact her family members.
I could bore you with a lot of statistics I've gathered over the years and stories that are truly heartbreaking but simply know that the risks that binge drinkers take vary from 10 to 100 times more severe than students who don't drink alcohol or take drugs while navigating through their college years.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Nathan Dumlao at Unsplash
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