DR. WALLACE: My best friend often puts me in a compromised position via some of her requests. She calls them "friendship requests," but they really are lies, omissions or mistruths that she wants me to put into certain social situations. And at times she wants me to deceive people to "help her out" when she finds herself in a tight spot.

The problem is that this is a one-way street as I've never asked her to do anything at all like this for me. And worse, lately she's increased the volume of these requests so much that I'm not struggling to remember everything I've said, hinted or implied to other people recently.

She's a good long-term friend other than this issue. We girls met each other in the eighth grade and now we are both freshmen in college. What can I do to get her to cut down on this behavior? — Very Tired of This, via email

VERY TIRED OF THIS: You long ago made the mistake of doing her bidding in this regard, and now she apparently thinks your help is like a water fountain that she can turn on at any moment to send cool water her way to hose down her problems, issues and situations she wishes to manipulate regularly.

The only way out is to cut her off regarding this behavior. And in doing so, be sure to mention to her that you've never once asked for anything similar to what she expects you to do at a moment's notice.

Tell her you won't go back on what you've done this far, but that your conscience is really bothering you and that you won't be able to be her damage control drone for anything in the future.

Do tell her that you'd be happy to support her by giving her your best advice regarding any situation she finds herself in going forward. This way, in the future, you can advise her to deal with some of her future situations in a more straightforward, honorable manner. You might even be able to help her with a few increments of personal growth in this department.

If your new stance is not well received and your friendship starts to suffer, it may enlighten you on the overall strength and utility of your friendship. If she accepts your new stance and remains your close friend, then this will be quite enlightening as well.

THEY NEVER LIKED HIM THEN; I WANT TO DATE HIM AGAIN NOW

DR. WALLACE: My parents never liked my high school boyfriend at all, and when we broke up halfway through my senior year, they were thrilled.

I went off to college and forgot all about him. I've dated several nice guys since, but none of them have lasted more than a few months with me for whatever reason.

Then last week after a night class, I was walking toward my car when I saw my high school ex-boyfriend also walking toward his car carrying a textbook. We were both really surprised that fate brought us together in that way, so we had a cup of coffee together. It turns out he had finally gotten serious about his life and is taking classes in an effort to advance some vocational training he is currently going through. He told me that he never felt worthy of dating me back in high school since he had no life plans, but that he's proud of the direction his life is going now — so he asked me out on a date next weekend!

I'd like to give him another shot at taking me out now that three years have passed, but I know that when his name comes up to my family at some point, I'll get a low of frowns and grumbling complaints about him. I don't want to lie about dating him again, but I don't want to be lectured to like I'm still a high school student living at home, because I'm not. — We Were Both Surprised, via email

WE WERE BOTH REALLY SURPRISED: Simply tell the truth and focus on who he is now, not who he was back then. Mention to your family that you see a new seriousness about him that did not exist back in your high school days.

Then, state that you're going to take a little time to get to know who he is at this time, and that's it. Mention that you've both grown into different people who are more mature and look at life from perspectives that reflect who each of you are these days.

It's that simple. Don't allow anyone to speak poorly of him these days since they truly don't know him as he presently exists. Things may or may not work out for the two of you as a couple over the long run, but there is nothing wrong with spending some time with each other on a few dates here in 2023 to get to know each other better as the people you each presently are.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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