DR. WALLACE: I have two close girlfriends who are both like best friends to me. We are all 16-year-old girls. We've been best friends for over three years now, and they are both my dearest and most treasured friends. The problem is that the two of them seem to be closer to each other than either one is to me, and, therefore, I'm lately beginning to feel like I'm being left out. I think the phrase is something like "the third wheel."
I do think I know the reason for this. Both of them are going out with two guys who are best friends, and I'm not dating anyone at the moment. So, they tend to double date once in a while, and even when they don't double date, they are always comparing notes on the two guys and how their respective relationships are going.
This is the first major romance for both of them, and they are very excited about it. Whenever the three of us are together, they dominate the conversation and turn the discussion immediately to their boyfriends. When I ask a question, they always say that I "wouldn't understand." All three of us used to text a lot, but now they seem to mainly text each other.
I feel like I don't have much in common with my two best friends. I feel lost and alone and need your advice. I'm just not ready to get involved with another guy yet. — Odd Girl Out, via email
ODD GIRL OUT: It should be comforting to understand that the reason why your close friends are spending less time with you is because they're busy dating two guys who also happen to be close friends themselves. Once girls start dating, it's perfectly natural for them to make boys a major topic of conversation.
You should think about making friends with a few other girls who currently have more in common with you. One way to do this is to get active in some after-school or volunteer activities. Not only do these activities often provide wonderful learning experiences but they also give you the opportunity to make new friends.
Do continue to be friends with your two existing close girlfriends, but don't wait around until you have a boyfriend, too — or until one of them breaks up. Simply add a casual new friend or two for yourself now. It's natural for teenagers to have friendships ebb and flow in terms of time and interaction based on their very fluid lives and attention spans. What goes around comes around, and you may find your closeness returns with one or both of them in the near future. Until then, keep in touch with those girls, but seek a new friend or two as well.
CAN MY PARENTS END MY BABY?
DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and pregnant. My boyfriend (the baby's father) is 18. Even though we're young, we're very mature. We want to get married soon, and after we have the baby, I will return to high school. His mother said we could live with her, and she can help us take care of the baby when I go back to high school.
My boyfriend has a job with his family's company. The problem I have right now is that my parents don't want us to get married. In fact, they want me to have an abortion and stop seeing my boyfriend.
My parents have already said they'll stop us from getting married, because we are underage. And my mom said she will force me to have an abortion, since I'm not 18 yet and the baby is due about two months before I turn 18. I've thought about this a lot and talked it over with my boyfriend, and we both still want to keep our baby and get married. My mom is very religious, and she has kept me away from our local church ever since I began "showing" my pregnancy.
According to my boyfriend's mother, my parents are just trying to scare me into believing them. Please tell me if my parents can stop us from getting married and force me to have an abortion. I really need your answer as soon as possible. I'm nervous and scared, but at least my boyfriend's parents are really nice to me, and they've never once said anything judgmental either. — Ready to Start a Family, via email
READY TO START A FAMILY: Your parents cannot force you to have an abortion. It would take a court order for them to get their wish, and that is not going to happen. The same is true for them trying to stop you and your boyfriend from getting married.
But make no mistake about it: This will be a hard journey for you to embark upon without your parents' support. I would advise you to review and discuss your situation with a trusted member of your church to help provide you guidance and support. A trusted mediator between you and your parents sounds to me like a very good idea right now.
You can and should make up your own mind on both having your child and getting married, but don't overlook working on your relationship with your parents. You'll always be their daughter, and they will always be your child's grandparents. I trust cooler heads can prevail if you involve a key trusted person or two to help everyone calm down and pull together as a family.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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