DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and in my first year of college. Last month I attended a fun and heartfelt event called a "gender reveal" party. A young couple I know is expecting their first child soon, so they had a big party to celebrate this. And at this party the gender of the baby was revealed for the first time to both parents and all the guests!

There we colored balloons in the backyard (blue for a boy and pink for a girl), and the pink balloons were released at the key moment to indicate my friends are expecting a baby girl soon! It was a joyous event for all who attended!

Well, this past weekend I returned home from campus to visit my parents' house for a big Saturday night dinner with them and my younger brother. And I unknowingly walked right into another "reveal" party again, but this time I was not too pleased!

My parents told me during the dessert portion of this dinner that my younger brother, my only sibling, was adopted over 15 years ago! He's now 16, and they further told me that they sat him down on his 13th birthday and told him about his adoption. They also requested that he keep this information secret as they planned to tell me at a later date. Well apparently, the later date was this past Saturday. I found all of this quite distressing, especially since I have good parents and we've always had a close, wonderful relationship my entire life. They work hard and they've treated us well and quite fairly over the years.

When I was told this news, I was immediately upset at their deception. However, I immediately looked right at my brother and told him, "I love you just the same as if you had been my blood brother all along. I hope you know and understand that." My little brother has always been a great sibling, and he was very gracious about this news that shocked me. It was of course not his fault since he was told to stay silent back then. But when I told him it did not matter to me that he was adopted, he got up from his chair, walked over to me and gave me a big hug.

I tried not to make a big scene the rest of the evening, but silently I was still fuming and upset at my parents for keeping this from both of us for so long, and especially from me after they told him this news over three years ago! Am I making too much of all this? I feel betrayed for some reason, even though it's my brother who was adopted, not me. — Kept in the Dark, via email

KEPT IN THE DARK: I do agree that your parents made a mistake here. On the day that they told your brother that he was adopted, you should have been in the room and been told the same information at the same time. I feel it was inappropriate for your parents to ask your younger brother, after receiving such big news, to immediately be asked to keep it a secret.

I have less of a problem with the timing of your parents revealing the adoption to your brother at age 13 than I do with treating the two of you differently.

It is ironic that you experience two vastly different "reveal" events so close to each other. But in the case of your parents' "reveal," I would now advise you to do your best to just let it go at this point. Focus more on your brother and be sure to continue to love and cherish him as the wonderful brother he is.

Parents are human and they make mistakes, too — just as you and I do from time to time. The good news is that your letter indicates you have great parents overall and that your whole family is very close too. Be as graceful as you can from here and do not make any comments you may regret later.

HE JUST VANISHED!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl and since the early part of this past summer I've had a 19-year-old boyfriend. He told me that he moved into our city with his parents from out of state and that he was planning on attending our local community college this fall.

So once the school year started, I did see him with textbooks from our community college and he talked about the classes as if he attended them. He also told me that he had good parents and lived on the far side of our town, but I was never invited over to his house, and I never met his parents.

We dated from late June until early October and then I never heard from him or saw him again! It's been over two weeks and he hasn't answered his phone or replied to my texts or emails.

I even went over to the community college and tried to find him there, but the name he gave me did not appear in any of the student rosters on that campus. Now I'm wondering if I even had his correct name. Fortunately for me our relationship, although it was very good and enjoyable, always remained platonic.

Now I feel a weird void in my life, and I've been wondering if I did anything wrong. But thinking back, I know I've done nothing wrong at all and he may have misrepresented himself to me in some way. Do you think I should continue looking for him, or simply move ahead as though he never existed? — Really Surprised, via email

REALLY SURPRISED: My vote is for you to move ahead and assume that you'll never hear from him again. That way if you ever do, it has at least the possibility of being a pleasant surprise. However, something is definitely unusual regarding his circumstances. He either gave you a false name or was never enrolled at your local community college. You also truly don't know where he lives, where he came from or how old he really is.

Going forward I suggest that you vet your potential relationship partners a little more during the early stages. Insist upon visiting their residences; be sure you see an ID such as a driver's license and attempt to do a background search, especially for someone that has not lived in your community previously. This is important since such a person will likely not have "word of mouth" referrals as to very important traits such as character and reliability.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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