DR. WALLACE: I am going through what most girls go through when they date a guy steadily: the pressure to have sex. When I continue to say no, he lays a big "guilt trip" on me by saying that if I truly loved him, we would be much closer physically.

He now keeps saying that I'm cold and distant, and he would like me to be warm and sensitive — which is code for "physical" in the manner he would like. Of course, I love my boyfriend, but I'm nowhere even close to ready to have sex with him. How can I convince him that when I say no, I really mean it, and how can I get him to stop pressuring me and whining about this every single time we are alone together? — Going Steady but Not Ready, via email

GOING STEADY BUT NOT READY: Throughout life, you will be pressured by people to do certain things not for your benefit but for theirs. Many times, we give in to the pressures just to get rid of the traffic or to ease the tension that is thrust upon us. However, this isn't the right thing to do, and you need to remember that you are in complete and total control of yourself, your mind and your body.

Boyfriends often don't like to be told no. It really doesn't matter if the boyfriend is a teen or an adult. When a person is told no, it means they cannot get their way. That means they cannot do something that they want to do. Two things usually happen. First, the person continues to ask, maybe in a slightly different way, until they're finally convinced the answer won't change. Once that has finally set in, the person looks at the decision with a certain degree of frustration or disappointment.

A sincere discussion of the reasons why you are not going to have sex is a much more effective and mature approach versus responding, "I don't want to."

Once you have taken the time to fully and rationally explain your decision, if he doesn't want to accept your reasons and continues to be physically and verbally aggressive, it's likely time to tell him goodbye and wish them well.

I LOVE MY STEPPARENT

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing to give an example of a kid who is happy with a stepparent! I know that probably sounds shocking, but in my case, it's the total truth. I always hear that stepparents are supposedly mean and aloof. I have a new dad who is actually much better than my biological father is. My "new" dad tells me he loves me, listens to me, helps me with my homework and always checks in with me to ask how I'm doing and how my day went.

It's hard for me to explain just how wonderful this man is. He treats my siblings and me the same way he treats his own daughter from his first marriage. He has brought stability and love to our family when we were desperate for it. My "bio" father spends his time drinking and running around with as many women as he possibly can. He never remembers birthdays or special occasions, and he rarely calls or visits any of us.

Fortunately, there is a man we call "Dad" who provides wonderful support for our entire family. I know my situation is special and likely the exception, but I just wanted to write to you to mention that, sometimes, stepparents can be even better than birth parents. My situation is absolutely proof of this! — Very Happy Stepchild, via email

VERY HAPPY STEPCHILD: Thank you very much for your inspiring personal story. Loving, caring, understanding people often come along just when you need them in life. I'm very happy to hear that this was the case for you and your whole family.

And despite rumors to the contrary, a good many of these wonderful people are indeed stepparents.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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