DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have a 7-month-old daughter, and I love her more than words can express. My baby's father lives in another country. When he found out I was pregnant, he said that he couldn't marry me because he had a girlfriend "back home" that he was going to marry someday. He said he cared for me, but he could never marry an American. That was slightly over a year ago.

I'm pretty sure that I'll never see my baby's father again, but I have to admit I'm still really in love with him. If he were to ask me, I would move to his country, marry him and spend the rest of my life with him and our daughter. But because that doesn't seem likely, I recently started seeing other men. I date only once a week, but I've made progress in finding out what the current "market" for men in my area is like. I've actually had fun dating casually, sampling the different personalities and styles my dates have offered.

Lately, I've been dating a really great guy. He's sweet and kind, and he says he loves me and wants to be a father to my daughter. We are now a steady couple, and I am only dating him at this time. I have other possible dates out there, but for now I choose to focus on this one nice guy. He says he likes children and sees us someday providing a little brother or sister to my daughter. I respect and care for him a lot, but I'm not sure I can say "I love you" to him yet. My mother thinks I'm "nuts" if I don't marry him, especially because he has taken so well to my daughter and treats me like a princess. Sometimes I think I should marry him, but other times I think I shouldn't for now, or at least until I have much stronger feelings toward him. What do you think is appropriate given my circumstances? Should I listen to my mother's advice? — Unsure, Tucson, Arizona

UNSURE: Continue seeing your "great guy," but do not marry him at this point. Mutual love is the only solid reason for a couple to marry. Remember, if you do elect to get married at some point, you want to be sure it can be for a lifelong relationship. Overtime you never know what will happen, so just continue on as you are for now.

Love is a wonderful phenomenon. You may still have love for your baby's father for now, but people can be in love more than once. Overtime I trust those old feelings for your ex will fade, and if your existing relationship continues to go well, you might develop stronger feelings toward your current boyfriend.

YOU'RE CAUTIOUS AND WISE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 12 and afraid to go outside in the front yard or down our street when it is dark. I don't feel comfortable in the dark, especially by myself or with only a few young kids. I guess I have seen too many movies and videos where bad things happen to kids in the dark. I never seem to see anything good happen to kids my age in the dark, so I am more comfortable staying inside at night, or only venturing out when I have a trusted adult with me. My 15-year-old brother said that I will always be a "fraidy-cat" and that I am weak because I have no courage at all. Is that true? Am I weak because I won't go out there at night like he does? — Afraid of the Dark, via email

AFRAID OF THE DARK: Many people are apprehensive about being outside alone after dark, not just children. Exercising caution is always proper, so you really have nothing to be ashamed of.

No, you will not grow up to be a "fraidy-cat." You will venture out in the dark as you grow older, and you'll do it with wisdom and caution. I'd say that demonstrates intelligence, not a lack of courage. Hang in there, trust your gut feelings, and don't listen to everything your brother says!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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