DR. WALLACE: A friend of mine got into a lot of trouble during his third year of college right after he turned 21. His drinking was out of control, and he caused damage to himself, a few others and a lot of property along the way.

To his credit, he accepted responsibility, made the best apology he could and took some steps to try to make up for the terrible errors and transgressions he committed.

Everything went well for him for a couple of years. I know this because he and my older brother were very good friends in high school and although I'm a couple of years younger than they are, I also became a good friend of his via the exposure through my older brother. My brother now lives 2,000 miles away attending a college on the other side of the country, so he does not hang out in person with his friend anymore due to the distance between them.

Well, I ran into this guy the other day at a public event, and he immediately recognized me and came up to talk to me. He invited me out to attend a music festival the following weekend. I agreed. He had arranged an Uber to take us to the event, and he wanted to leave a few hours earlier than I had expected.

Since we arrived so early, he had the driver drop us off at a restaurant about a quarter of a mile from the venue, and he said we could walk over there once we were done eating. I was shocked during our meal that he ordered a beer! He's of legal age of course but given his history I was quite shocked. I did ask him about this, and he told me that he's permanently given up hard liquor, shots and wine and that he only sips one beer maximum once in a great while. He said he does not drink anymore on a regular basis. He went on to say that he's no longer a threat to society because he's no longer out of control with his behavior or his consumption of alcohol. Can It be true that someone who had an obvious alcoholic past can take a few years off, and then come back as a "responsible" social drinker? — I Was Stunned, via email

I WAS STUNNED: I've never encountered an individual who could successfully pull that off, nor have I ever heard of an example through any of my many acquaintances, both professionally and personally.

My opinion is that he's playing with fire, and it will only be a matter of time until his drinking once again escalates.

Since you are his friend, I would not drink with him ever (even if you are now 21 or older) and I would advise you to encourage him to rethink his position on this issue. If he has a severe relapse, his life, the lives of others and his personal freedom could all severely be at risk.

Encourage him to speak to rehab counselors on this topic, since the more he speaks to others about his situation, the sooner he may come to his senses and reverse course when it comes to the consumption of alcohol. He's already demonstrated that he has a problem, so continuing with the idea of his "careful, controlled drinking" could end quite poorly unless he is able to stay away from drinking alcohol entirely.

It does not matter if one drinks shots, beer, wine or moonshine. Any form of alcohol can be very dangerous to an alcoholic and one moment of poor judgment can often lead to very regrettable circumstances.

HE'S PUSHING FOR MARRIAGE RIGHT AWAY

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend of the last year and a half is now slowly, but surely, pressuring me to get married to him. I'll turn 19 in a few months, and he just turned 20 last month.

We both live at home right now, and we have some money saved up so he thinks we could easily elope to Las Vegas, get married, and then come back and get an apartment together. I really do like him, but I know I'm not ready to get married at this stage of my life.

What can I do to get him to pump the brakes on his marriage ideas? — Not Ready Yet, via email

NOT READY YET: Be honest with him! Tell him exactly why you find yourself not ready at this stage of your life. Think things over quite carefully and be prepared to go into a lot of detail with him when you do have this discussion. What I'm suggesting is that you have a longer conversation, not just a "talk" of one or two sentences followed by you changing the subject with him.

A key to a good and successful relationship is teamwork and mutual trust. An overall game plan for the relationship should be discussed regularly and openly. Both parties should be in harmony and make future decisions with mutual harmony and respect in mind.

Once you've had this type of discussion, if he continues to pressure you for marriage before you're ready, I would warn you this could be a red flag of some sort. I'd ask him directly why he wants to marry right now instead of a more comfortable time for you in the future. Could it be that there are some problems with his home life or within the residence that he's presently living in? If so, he could seek to either rent a room on his own somewhere or find a compatible roommate who is a friend of his. This may help him to establish a residence under his own roof and control. In this case, the two of you can still date as you are doing now, without any rush to marry right away.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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