DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and my younger sister and I live alone with our mother. Our father was killed in an automobile crash five years ago. It has been a real struggle, but Mom has done a wonderful job being a spectacular mom and a great substitute dad.

Mom has been seeing a guy for about a year. He is very nice and my sister and I like him a lot. In late August, they are going to get married and I'm excited for Mom. She really loves this guy. The only concern is that they will be moving to Tucson. His company is sending him there to manage their Arizona business.

My sister is excited to be going to Tucson, but I'm not so sure I want to go. I'm 16 and will be in the 11th grade in September. I've got many friends and enjoy my teachers. Still, I would miss my family if I decided to stay here and live with my aunt and uncle.

Mom says it's my decision. I know I have to make this decision, but I would enjoy hearing what you think that I should do. — Nameless, Detroit, Mich.

NAMELESS: Families belong together. Go to Tucson. If you had been in the 12th grade, I might have encouraged you to stay in Fort Wayne and graduate with your friends, but you still have a year and a half of high school left, which is time to acquire many new friends.

I was a teacher and a varsity basketball coach at Phoenix Union High School for several years and had a chance to visit Tucson often. The Southwest is gorgeous. I'm sure you will learn to love it.

PARENTS FAIL ON DRUG MESSAGE

PARENTS: Fewer than one in three parents of 10th grade students are giving their children a clear "don't-use" message about alcohol and drugs, according to a survey. This disconcerting statistic goes a long way in explaining why some teens develop substance abuse problems and others do not.

This parental failing, which amounts to "permissiveness," or the de facto condoning of substance abuse, is a significant risk factor for susceptibility to chemical dependence among students in grades six through 12, according to a survey conducted by the Minneapolis-based Johnson Institute.

The study also concluded that "bargaining" with the teens is ineffective. Teens who are allowed, for instance, to drink as long as they promise to not drink and drive, are nevertheless more likely to be in a drunk-driving-related car accident, either as driver or passenger.

Thirty percent of seniors surveyed reported drinking or using other drugs while driving during the past 12 months. Nine percent of senior males reported using alcohol or other drugs while driving 10 or more times in the past 12 months.

When teens are allowed to drink alcohol at home, they are more likely to use alcohol and other drugs outside the home. In addition, they are more likely to develop serious behavioral and health problems related to the use of alcohol or other drugs.

These findings are based on computer-tabulated evaluation of alcohol, tobacco and drug use trends, drawn from the responses of more than 15,000 students in 13 school districts and community groups across the United States.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.