DR. WALLACE: I'm a lucky lady! I'm 19, a good college student and my boyfriend, who is a year and a half older than I am, attends my same college.

We are deeply in love and we're really a great fit for each other. I've never had a relationship this good! I absolutely believe that we'll end up getting married, and in fact, we've already discussed the subject casually.

He also mentioned to me that he could see marrying me at some point, but he feels strongly. We should both graduate college first before we formally get married and consider moving in together.

Unfortunately, for me, I have the opposite viewpoint! I'm more than ready to get married right now, as I would truly enjoy living with him daily rather than seeing him intermittently the way that I do now.

Even though my preference is not his at this point, I don't want to jeopardize the overall relationship, so I haven't pressed the issue, even though my feelings for getting married sooner are much stronger than he likely realizes.

Who do you agree with? And what do you think I should do in my presence situation, given the information I've shared with you? — I've Met My Soulmate, via email

I'VE MET MY SOULMATE: I can see and appreciate both of your viewpoints here. When it comes to a couple getting married, their two opinions mean far more than anybody on the outside looking in. But having said that, I understand the logic he's employing from his point of view.

Having both of you graduate college with a degree first before entering your marriage, and potentially starting a family, seems like a reasonable game plan. The two of you are quite close and have already discussed marrying each other, so I feel your relationship is on extremely good footing.

Even though your personal preference would be to get married sooner rather than later, this presents you with an opportunity to be a team player and compromise.

Perhaps in the future, another issue will crop up, one in which you can ask him to compromise his position to benefit your mutual union, in a way similar to the potential compromise you may be about to make.

I DON'T FEEL SELFISH ABOUT THIS

DR. WALLACE: I'm female, happily married, and am 20 years old. I have a great husband who is a hard worker and a guy with a great reputation in our relatively small community of 5,000 people in a small Midwest town.

My challenge is that he wants to start a family as soon as possible, but I would prefer to wait at least 3 to 4 more years, as I completely realize that once children arrive, they're going to be a permanent addition to our family and I won't any longer have the freedom I presently am experiencing.

My husband is two years older than I am, so we're both fairly young and would still be in the sweet spot of starting a family in 3 to 4 years. I've mentioned this to him during several of our discussions. He's usually very sincere and direct, but he actually used the word "selfish" when describing my reasons for taking the position that I do on the timing of us starting a family. Am I truly being selfishly unreasonable here? — Not Quite Ready Yet via email

NOT QUITE READY YET: It's not time to intentionally start a family until both partners in a marriage completely agree to do so.

You have your reasons for feeling the way that you do at this present time, and you were honest enough and direct enough to share this with him openly.

He obviously has the opposite viewpoint that you do, so I feel that his use of the word selfish is a touch disingenuous since he is obviously manipulating the use of that word, even though he is simultaneously and selfishly promoting his own viewpoint.

The keys to any good marriage are communication, cooperation and compromise. Take these three elements into an open discussion with him and seek to move past calling each other selfish, and instead, try to lay the groundwork for what the overall plan is going forward.

Hopefully, the two of you will find much more harmony by discussing things openly and considering every implication of the timing of your decision in advance before you finally come to a mutual decision, you can both be comfortable with.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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