DR WALLACE: My parents divorced a year ago because my mom was seeing another guy. My dad has moved back to Mexico and I haven't heard from him since he left our house. The "other guy" mom was seeing is now my stepfather, and had has he has me scared to death.
When mom is not around, he is starting to be sexually aggressive with me. I don't want to tell you everything he has said or done to me, but I don't know who to turn for help. I want to tell my mother, but I don't want to ruin her new marriage and I'm not sure she will believe me, because she knows I dislike my stepfather. I am 14 years old. — Anonymous, Phoenix, Az.
ANONYMOUS: Please read the following letter from someone who has suffered a similar terrible experience. Please contact me a counselor at your school immediately and do your best to calmly and accurately describe what is going on, and what has gone on. Alternatively, you could speak to a trusted aunt, uncle or grandparent. Do not worry about disrupting your mother's marriage. Your situation is urgent. Reach out to a trusted adult or authority figure right away. You will then receive the guidance and support you'll need to protect you and to be sure you are allowed to live in a safe environment going forward. Here is the letter I mentioned:
DR. WALLACE: I'm writing this letter in an effort to help all the young women who have been sexually abused by fathers or stepfathers. This abuse must be stopped!
First, tell your mother what has happened. If she believes you, she'll take action immediately. But don't be surprised if your mother doesn't believe you. She's likely to think it's impossible for her husband to do something so horrible, especially after he denies everything. If that's the case, immediately tell a teacher, relative, clergymen or, if need be, contact the police. It might be wise to tell all four. If you do this, the proper action will be taken.
Please allow me to tell you my sad story. My father started molesting me when I was 13 and this nightmare continued until I joined the Navy the day after high school graduation. At 13, when I told my mother, she called me a liar and said I was trying to break up her marriage. I then went into an emotional shell and stayed there until I entered the Navy. I didn't tell anyone else about my problem because I thought they wouldn't believe me and I'd be in trouble if they contacted my parents.
After I left home, my dad started molesting my 14-year-old sister. She told me all about it when I came home on leave. She also said she told our mother, but she was accused of lying. I immediately took my sister to the police station. The following day, our father was arrested and my sister was placed in my aunt's house. Mom finally got the message that her husband was molesting his daughters. She was devastated, but she only has herself to blame.
When confronted by the authorities, dad admitted everything and said he was sorry. Unfortunately, sorry wasn't enough. My life at home was worse than the worst nightmare. No child should ever be subjected to such terror.
My mistake was telling my mother and when she didn't believe me, not telling another trusted adult. When a teen has been molested sexually by a family member or anyone at all, that teen immediately must ask for help and keep asking for help until it comes, and it will. - Formerly terrorized teen, via email
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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