DR. WALLACE: My best friend is a wonderful girl, but she does have one huge fault in my opinion. We are both 17 and just completed our junior year in high school together. We've been close friends now for eight years!

My friend is wildly social and friendly. She talks to everyone she meets and just about everybody likes her and her friendly personality. I'm one of her three closest friends in the world, but she does have another 50 casual friends too! She gets invited to almost every event and she's usually the life of the party or event. In short, she's a true social butterfly!

The problem is that she always has to answer her phone when it rings! She never lets a call go to voicemail, ever. Usually, I don't mind when this happens if we are just hanging out at the mall or at a school football or basketball game together. But what I do mind is that she answers her phone while she's driving and I'm a passenger in her car! I worry that we will be involved in an accident, and I've told her this before. But my pleas fall on deaf ears, sadly. I don't want to continue to nag, but it makes me extremely nervous to be a passenger in her car. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to say anything to cause her to lose her driving privileges. — Her Nervous Friend, via email

HER NERVOUS FRIEND: Yes, there is something you can do. First of all, you can tell her in advance that you wish to hold her phone when she's driving. Tell her you can act as her "personal assistant" who can take messages for her.

If she refuses this offer, I advise you not to ride in the vehicle anymore. And beyond that, you should find a way to speak to her mother and/or father when you know she is not home so that you can explain the situation to them. Request that your name be kept out of the discussion as perhaps the parents can mention the phone use while driving came to their attention via a family friend. (You are indeed a family friend, right?) Keeping the notification anonymous would be best in my opinion.

Her parents can speak with her and take the appropriate action they feel is necessary. You will be doing the right thing for your friend as your actions may save her and others from serious harm in the future. Stand up immediately to address this issue, do not look the other way. Be a true friend and do the right thing here.

I FEEL PRESSURED TO JOIN IN

DR. WALLACE: Recently, I have made a lot of new friends and have been going to many more social events. It has been really fun having people to hang out with and being busy, but I have now encountered a recurring dilemma with drinking alcohol.

Many of the social gatherings I go to involve someone bringing alcohol and many people consuming it and getting drunk. Personally, I have never been interested in drinking and do not feel like I need to drink in order to have a good time. Also, I am underage, and my parents obviously do not want me to drink, which I want to respect.

I have felt, though, as I go to more events that I am starting to feel more and more pressure to drink. How can I still enjoy myself and be a part of these social events without drinking alcohol? — Feeling Pressured, via email

FEELING PRESSURED: Your letter describes the classic "peer pressure" situation, and this is not good for you. Yes, you've made new friends, but you do not need to start engaging in new behaviors that by your own words you've never been interested in. Why start now?

You're not of legal drinking age anyhow and you readily admit that you've never needed to drink to have a good time. There are many reasons you should stick to your existing values, but one thing instead encourages you not to stick to your values: peer pressure.

If you were experiencing peer pressure to rob a bank, would you consider doing it? If you were experiencing peer pressure to inflict bodily harm on another person, would you consider doing it? Hopefully your answers would be "of course not." Think of it this way, if you give in to the peer pressure to become an underage drinker, the person who may experience bodily harm may be you. Stick to your values here. Your sense of right and wrong is well developed. You can still attend social events, but simply do not ever give anyone any reason to think that you would take even one sip of an alcoholic beverage.

And as to how you can have fun without consuming alcohol, just be your usual "in control" self and socialize with your friends all you want while staying sober. Some of them might amuse you as the evenings roll on and you note how their behavior begins to change. Enjoy that show but take care to stay safe and keep your distance from anyone drinking too much. Never, ever take a ride in a vehicle driven by anyone who has been drinking at one of these events. I can tell you dozens of stories I've been told over the years that are stunningly sad and beyond heartbreaking. Always remember that you are responsible for yourself and in control of your own decision-making.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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