DR. WALLACE: Two years ago, I cheated on a final exam during my sophomore year of college and received an A even though I likely deserved to fail that class or at the very least receive a much, much lower grade.

It's no excuse but looking back, that semester was particularly difficult for me, and since I did not have much time to study for this critical exam, a friend of mine agreed to help me out during the test and assisted me in cheating that one time only. I never had cheated before that, and I never again cheated in any way over the entirety of my academic career. I have not recalled this memory in a while, but I'm approaching graduation, and lately my family has been expressing how proud of me they are for having been such a diligent student throughout my college years.

For most of college, I was indeed a diligent student, but now I feel like the one incident where I cheated is haunting me and causing me to feel like I don't deserve to have the celebratory graduation I will soon receive. I am not sure what I should do, as I know that I cannot change the past, but I also have not been able to stop thinking about the fact that I cheated on such a major exam and have kept it a secret from almost everyone who knows me. Over my lifetime I've prided myself on my morality and sense of right and wrong. I've always strived to be honorable, but in this instance, I failed myself miserably. How can I alleviate the guilt that I'm feeling so that I can actually try to enjoy my graduation and not feel terrible about myself? — Feel Like a Fraud, via email

FEEL LIKE A FRAUD: You indeed have a moral dilemma here, but it's deeper than just your own guilt since you also had a compatriot involved back then. This was a doubly poor mistake and fortunately you have not repeated it. Cheating even once often becomes contagious, but in your case, it did not extend beyond the one terrible error in judgment.

Since you see yourself as a basically honest and moral person, your poor behavior back then has cost you dearly as you are now carrying the weight of this guilt and feeling its effect on your self-image. One option would be to silently forgive yourself for this one lone transgression and go on with your life, but you and I both know this episode will haunt you for all of your days, especially subconsciously.

So right now, I see your dilemma as deciding what to do about this mistake rather than simply deciding whether to ignore it. There are a variety of ways you could notify your school about this issue, and there are a variety of ways the school administration could respond to the information you'd be disclosing. Therefore, after thinking this through carefully, I feel it might be best for you to request a meeting with the professor of that class. He or she can hopefully meet with you privately during regular office hours and this would give you a forum to get this matter off your chest and seek to make retribution — if that might be an option.

I'd suggest mentioning to the professor that you did indeed cheat once only during that semester and that your internal moral compass has accordingly been troubling you for the past few years. Do mention that you never, ever cheated in any other class before or after that one single time. Apologize earnestly and ask if there might be a way to make it up. Offer to retake the entire class. Offer to audit the class in the future. Offer to do a special project or term paper related to the subject matter of that class.

The key here in my opinion is that your professor gave you your grade in the first place, which is now part of your permanent record. This professor might be willing to let you make things up with more work now or might be willing to give you a lower but still passing grade based upon your revelation and your willingness to do more work now to make things right.

However, this professor might not accept any sort of makeup activity and might elect to go back and change your grade to a failing one, so be prepared for that as well. The details of your cheating might be asked, and this then would trigger for you another dilemma — one involving whether to reveal your friend's involvement.

In any case, being honest and willing to accept whatever consequences come your way as a result of disclosing this matter will lift the weight of your secret hanging over you. Your moral compass will be restored, as you'll know that you did the right thing to notify your professor. We are all human beings who make mistakes from time to time. How we deal with those mistakes going forward determines what type of overall character we possess. Speaking openly and honestly to your professor will alleviate most of the guilt you are now feeling and that alone is a very good thing for you and your future. Your happiness over your lifetime will depend upon your ability and willingness to live an authentic life, one where your behavior matches up congruently with your personal values. You have the ability now to address this before it's too late and you're relegated to a lifetime of guilt and worry over this matter. Imagine how good it will feel to be honest about your past, do your best to make up for it if possible and move forward ethically no matter what.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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