DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and dating a super nice guy. I work for an attorney and the guy I'm seeing is an attorney for another firm. The only major flaw this guy has is his vulgar language. I've never been around someone who has such a foul mouth. It wouldn't be so bad if he used his "off-color" adjectives when we are alone, but he uses them in mixed company, often to my deep embarrassment.
I've told him many, many times that I don't appreciate his "salty" language. He agrees that he should stop using his terrible language, but yet he continues swearing as if I said nothing to him at all. Sometimes when I'm out in public with him he "cuts loose" so other people can hear him, and I literally wish I could disappear once I see people staring at us.
Some of my close friends don't like to be around him and my parents loathe him. What should I do? Other than his bad language, he's great. He can speak properly because I've heard him defend a client in court, and not one bad word came out of his mouth in front of the judge he was addressing. What to do? —Anonymous, Mobile, Al.
ANONYMOUS: There are usually two main reasons people use profane language. First, they are uneducated and do not have a good or even broad vocabulary; therefore they substitute "unacceptable" adjectives to relay their message.
Alternatively, the user of profane language can speak in the "Queens English." but uses profanity as a shock method to drive home a point. The guy you are seeing has been using profanity for a long time and it has become an important (to him) part of his vocabulary.
Even though you describe him as a "super nice guy," his vocabulary is so bothersome to use that you found it necessary to contact me for advice. Tell the guy that his language problem has become your problem and that you no longer care to see him. Dropping him now will spare you much future embarrassment. He obviously wants to continue his rants, and if you were to get him to stop for a while, he would likely resume soon enough. I suggest that you move on to someone you can be proud to be around.
PEER PRESSURE IS POWERFUL
DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and the most popular girl at my high school. My counselor told me last week to stay as sweet as I am and never succumb to peer pressure.
Can you give me an example of peer pressure? I'm not sure that I understand what it means. —Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: Let's imagine that you have been invited to a party given by six very popular girls and you want very badly to be apart of the popular clique. At the party, one of the girls lights up a cigarette, takes a deep drag and passes the cigarette to one of the other "popular" girls who also takes a deep drag and passes it to yet another popular girl. Eventually all six girls have had a drag off of this same cigarette.
Then the cigarette is passed to you and all six girls encourage you to, "Take a drag, you'll really like it." At that moment you are experiencing peer pressure.
You really don't want to try it because you don't want to get involved with smoking as you value your health, but you want to be accepted by the popular girls. If you decide to take a drag, the need to be accepted by your peers has overpowered doing what you know is right. Then you will have succumbed to peer pressure.
Peer pressure, especially in the teen years, is a powerful force, and it takes courage and lots of intestinal fortitude to say," No thanks," when tempted to join in. Always remember that you, and you alone, are responsible for your body and your actions when it comes to voluntarily entering to risky, unhealthy or illegal behavior.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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