DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old college student. I recently met a guy at my school, and we've been out on a few dates that went well enough, even if they were somewhat unremarkable overall.

He comes across as a little immature in certain ways, and I had guessed that he was likely 21 or 22 years old. I'm being gentle when I say "a little" immature given many of his juvenile hijinks, but I'll spare you the specific details and actual examples. Trust me, they are worthy of eye rolls for sure.

To my surprise, I just learned that he's 28! I guess he spent some time in the workplace before he decided to return to college, and it appears he's only taking two classes, one of which is a throwaway elective that does little to advance his ever-changing career ideas.

Now, I know that you've been staunchly against teenage girls under 18 dating older men, but what do you think about my situation? We are both adults, of course, but his juvenile antics and lack of planning ahead or doing things logically are already wearing on me a bit even though we've only been hanging out for two months. I'm planning on giving him a little more time, but I'd be interested in your opinion.

It's important to know that I'm a serious and mature lady even though I'm still technically a teenager for another handful of months. — Dealing With a Gap of Nine, via email

DEALING WITH A GAP OF NINE: You may be dealing with a nine-year age gap, but based on your letter, that might not be the biggest issue.

Apparently, you function well on your own and act like an adult while he often acts more like a juvenile — at least in your presence.

Can you imagine what he may be like when you're not present? Two of the most fundamental indicators of successful relationships are the intertwined pillars of mutual respect and personality compatibility. Notice I used the word "compatibility," not "similarity." We've all heard the saying "opposites attract," but that usually refers to the areas of personality, style or appearance, and the relationship still must be steeped in mutual respect.

Your letter makes me believe that you already don't respect him too much, and you likely do not feel he is a serious person. Giving him more time may solidify this for you to the point that you feel it would be better moving on to greener pastures in your personal social life.

The age gap shocked you at first, but now that you've had time to see why that was, it's time to ask yourself how long you'll be able to effectively deal with someone so consistently immature despite being nine years your senior.

FLAGS AND FIREWORKS MAKE ME YAWN

DR. WALLACE: Why are there so many flags whipping about everywhere I seem to look? In my part of the country, I often see national flags, state flags, professional sports team flags and even college flags. I feel the same way about flags that I do about fireworks, which is that they're a waste of money and a waste of time.

At least with fireworks, I understand the explosive nature and the fleeting glimpse of something cool they give you when they are set off. I guess I'm alright with that as long as someone else is paying for it. I've never spent a cent on fireworks my entire life and never intend to. But with flags, why does everyone seem to feel the need to fly a flag? — Don't Get It, via email

DON'T GET IT: Flags provide a sense of identity, unity, togetherness or common purpose. This is even true of professional sports teams, and especially universities that play competitive sports against each other. It's part of the pomp and circumstance of which is part of the overall attraction. Complete strangers in a basketball area or football stadium, for example, will often turn and high-five each other when their team has a great play or a wonderful outcome.

Flags have a much longer shelf life than fireworks, so if you ever decide to try one or the other, I'd recommend you get a flag representing something that might have a little meaning to you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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