DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have been dating the same guy for about a year. We are not sexually active on a regular basis but we do have sex occasionally. First of all, allow me to tell you that my boyfriend did not pressure me into having sex. In fact, it was my idea.
The reason why I decided to have sex was to find out if it was "evil and dirty" like my mom said it was. All I ever heard was how bad and dirty and evil sex was. My friends told me it was just the opposite. They said sex was beautiful, good and a sign of everlasting love. I had to find out who was telling the truth. First of all, let me tell you that sex is not evil and dirty, but I'm not so sure it's all that beautiful or a sign of everlasting love.
Why can't people just say that sex is sex and it means different things to different people and it's no big deal! — Nameless, Michigan City, In.
NAMELESS: I doubt any word in the English language has more impact on more people than the word sex. We use it to sell everything from soap to soup. We see it displayed vividly in the movies, on television and in magazines. It's often the topic of conversation at parties, at school, at the office, and everywhere else people gather. It's always been that way, and sex will continue to be a topic of conversation as long as humans inhabit this earth.
The prime function of sex is reproduction. Mother Nature did not intend to make sex dirty or bad or evil. She intended to make sex is good and beautiful and a sign of everlasting love — for a couple who have pledged their love for each other, and who will provide for their children, when they arrive, with love and care for their safety and welfare and will guide them with wisdom, understanding, and compassion.
I have been writing this column for quite some time and some of the more popular letters (in terms of numbers) come from teenage girls who write to say that they are truly sorry they became sexually active at a very young age and they encourage me to print their letters to help persuade other girls to wait until they marry before having sex.
All teens, but especially young women, have much to lose by becoming sexually active before marriage. The emotional and physical wounds of a teenage sexual affair often heal slowly and scar deeply.
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF
DR. WALLACE: What exactly is self-esteem? My counselor said that I need to improve my self-esteem, but she didn't say what self-esteem is and I'm too embarrassed to ask her. — Nameless, via email
NAMELESS: Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. People with good self-esteem possess self-confidence and self-worth, and believe that they can reach goals. Those who have low self-esteem usually tend to view themselves poorly and feel that others view them the same way. These people put themselves down often. They may feel or say, "I'm stupid" or "Everyone hates me."
Make an appointment with your counselor to get an opinion on what you can do to improve your self-esteem. It can be done in a relatively short period of time if you dedicate yourself to improving your self-image. We all have strengths and areas of excellence, and we should focus on those and be proud of our talents and accomplishments. We are all human too; so don't let yourself be quick to criticize your own behavior or attributes. We all have much in common with many other people; it's how we view ourselves that sets us apart. Be sure to believe in yourself when you succeed and forgive yourself those times you do not.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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