DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I have been in twosome for over seven months. For the first couple of months, we had great times together, but then things changed and I no longer looked forward to going out with him.
Last week I made up my mind to end the relationship. I spent hours concocting a final farewell so I wouldn't let him down too hard. Even though I was dumping him, I sort of felt sorry for him and wanted our separation to be as painless as possible, especially for him.
Last night when we were at a restaurant I was planning to spring our separation on him. You can't imagine how dumbfounded I felt when before I can say my piece, he said, "Lauren, I don't want to hurt you, but this will be our last day because I'm going to start dating another girl who attends our church."
You could've knocked me over with a feather! I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry so I started crying. Think about the situation — I was planning to stop seeing him and I had spent hours on how I would do it with the least amount of pain. Then he turns around and tells me that he's ending our relationship because he has found another girl that he thinks more about than me. That's hard to take!
Now I feel miserable and my self-esteem has been bruised. What I can't figure out is why I feel this way. After all, our relationship has ended — that's what I wanted. And because I felt sorry for him, I wanted the separation to be painless for him — and it was. I should be happy, but I'm not. Why do I feel this way? —Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: You have already answered your question; your self-esteem has been bruised. Regardless of the fact that you wanted out, being told that you had fallen into second position with your ex was a shock. So was learning that he must have been feeling that the relationship had lost its zip just as much as you had.
Just let it go and be happy you're out of a relationship that has run its course. There's really nothing to get over except the games your own mind is playing with you. Soon enough, it will be something to laugh about. It will take time, but I do see you sharing this story with your best girlfriends eventually, and I trust a good laugh will be had by all when you do!
LONG-DISTANCE ROMANCES RARELY SUCCEED
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have been going steady with my boyfriend for six months. We were the perfect couple until he had to move with his family to California. Before he left, he said it would be good if we continue to go steady and I agreed. Now I'm not so sure this is such a good idea. All my friends are going on dates and having tons of fun while I sit home on the weekends watching television and playing solitaire.
I'd like to remain good friends with him, but I'd also like to have the opportunity to go out with other guys. My sister says I'm selfish, but I really don't think so. I'm positive you will agree with me. If so, I'll write to him and declare my freedom while also encouraging him to date other girls. Am I being reasonable? — Tierica, Knoxville, Tn.
TIERICA: Yes, by all means, you should date other guys. Long-distance romances rarely succeed, especially those involving someone as young as you are. You need to be socially active and experiencing life, not tied to a long-distance "commitment" to a young man who has moved half a continent away. Declaring your freedom is not being selfish; it's being sensible for you and for him.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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