DR. WALLACE: My parents are very strict. They don't let me do anything or go anywhere unless they are with me. All of my friends are going to the mall in the evening to do some shopping and just hang out. Am I part of this "girl's night out" fun? No! My parents refuse to let me out of their sight. I know that bad things can happen to kids, but not at a mall during a weekend.

What can I do to get my parents to lighten up and allow me to be a red-blooded, normal teenage girl? I'm tired of always being left out of fun things. My parents will let me go to the mall, but they have to tag along and that's no fun. — Nameless, Naperville, Ill.

NAMELESS: Some parents are extremely cautious about the safety and welfare of their children. While to some extent this is justified — there are, indeed, plenty of dangers in today's world — parents can't be protective forever. Too much caution is counterproductive. Teens need to learn how to be on their own, something that can't happen if parents never let go.

Sandra Dahl, a psychiatric social worker from New Hampshire, understands that, for some teens, the first taste of freedom can be difficult to come by. She offers some hints on how to bring up the subject and how to deal with your parents' reactions. Give these suggestions a try:

—Put yourself in their shoes. "Before talking with your parents, think about what it would feel like to be in their position," Dahl counsels. "If you can understand how they might feel, you'll be better able to sympathize with their reactions."

—Set time aside. Let your folks know that you want to sit down and have an unhurried talk with them about something that's important to you. Don't catch them when they're in a hurry; they'll be less receptive if they're rushed.

—Identify your reasons. Before discussing your ideas, be certain you understand your own reasons for wanting greater freedom to make personal decisions. Write your reasons down to clarify them in your own mind.

—Communicate openly. Instead of making demands, simply explain what it is you want to do and tell them why. If your parents understand your reasons, they will begin to see you as an individual, with needs of your own. And they may go along with your request.

—Go slowly. Don't expect an immediate answer the first time you sit down with Mom and Dad. Just ask them to think about what you've said.

—Compromise. For instance, if your parents are dead-set against your missing a family dinner, accept their decision gracefully and ask if you can spend a couple of hours at the end of the day at a friend's house. That way, everyone will be happy.

—Begin with small changes. To make changes with a minimum of pain to all concerned, teens should begin with small requests and gradually work up to more important ones.

I HAVE A ROVING EYE

DR. WALLACE: I'm dating a guy I really like. He has a good sense of humor and is cute as cute can be. When I'm out with him and we are somewhere that other young people are present, I always find myself flirting with other cute guys. I always make eye contact with the guys and give them my best smile. Almost all of them smile back and this makes me feel good even thought I wouldn't drop my guy for any of them.

What makes me flirt like this? So far, he hasn't been aware of my roving eyes.—- Nameless, Galesburg, Ill.

NAMELESS: When boys respond to your "roving eyes," you are having some needs satisfied — the needs to feel desirable and wanted. This also shows a lack of self-confidence on your part.

The cure is to spend more time looking at your guy. Then your eyes will have less time to rove.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.