DR. WALLACE: My best friend is always taking advantage of me. She borrows my clothes and only returns them after I nag her for weeks on end. Whenever we plan to do something together, she's always late. When I mention it, she says, "You had nothing better to do than wait for me."
She will also make a date to spend some time with me, but she cancels if something better comes along. Twice in the last month I had to spend a boring Saturday night in my room alone because she canceled on me. What can I do about this without ending our friendship? — Upset, Atlanta, Ga.
UPSET: Between friends, honesty is truly the best policy. You have to confront her directly about how her actions make you feel; if you don't, the relationship will deteriorate and eventually end in bitterness. But talk to her with love, not indignation.
Assure her that you care for her very much, but you have something difficult to say. Don't tell her off. Instead, focus on explaining how hurtful some of her actions are to you. Give examples. After you finish, let her know you think she's terrific in many ways and the issues you brought up represent only a small part of who she is. If your friend isn't made to feel defensive, I believe she will respond positively.
However, if I'm mistaken in my reply, and your "best friend" continues her self-centered behavior, tell her goodbye and wish her well. You then need to start enjoying your teen years by associating with teens who share your interests. Participate in activities at school and in your community. There are new friends out there to be made!
NO ACCESS TO A CAR
DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old guy and work part time after school and on Saturday mornings at a fast food restaurant. I live at home with my mother, who doesn't drive, and a younger sister. Because my mom doesn't drive, I don't have access to a car. I travel to school and to my job on a bicycle.
One of my fellow employees is a girl who is also 17. She is nice and rather attractive. Lately we have become friendly at work and I would like to take her out on a date. Since I don't have a car, I don't know how to approach her on this subject. She owns a car and drives to work. Would it be considered an imposition if I asked her out and then asked her to drive? — Nameless, Sacramento, Calif.
NAMELESS: Tell her that you would like to invite her out and be upfront about the fact you do not have access to a car. Tell her you would like to pay for the gasoline if you end up taking her car!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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