DR. WALLACE: I'm a people pleaser by nature. I have a bad habit of saying yes to people too quickly before I think things through. Occasionally, I will forget something that I had planned previously and then I run into scheduling conflicts.

To further make things difficult for myself, I often end up changing my original plans so that I don't have to disappoint someone I recently said "yes" to. How can I make adjustments in the future so that I don't have to give up my natural personality of being helpful and a team player? I'm finding that the older I get, the harder it is to get out of some scheduling conflicts I create. — My Personality Makes It Difficult Sometimes, via email

MY PERSONALITY MAKES IT DIFFICULT SOMETIMES: I agree that you don't necessarily want to change your overall personality or the lifestyle that you've lived and nurtured for so very long.

Yet you absolutely owe it to yourself and to others to plan and have a strategy before committing to anything on a moment's notice. One simple strategy would be to let someone know that their request sounds interesting and that you'll check your schedule and get back to them within the next 24 hours.

This will allow you time to carefully check your schedule and review it ahead of time. By doing this with each request, you'll be referring to your schedule quite regularly and this will help you to mentally be more prepared, knowing what windows of time you've already committed to other responsibilities and activities.

There's also another play available for you to consider. For some of the requests you may receive that you simply can't follow up on, start thinking about other people you could potentially refer into these situations, such that things may end up being "win-win" for both individuals. Sometimes this would relate to educational or business purposes and other times you may be able to connect people who don't know each other so that they can socially interact for mutual benefit.

Having a game plan in advance will allow you to still be your normal helpful self, but also not overcommit your personal schedule, which is stressful — especially for you.

WE MAKE PLANS THEN SHE INVITES ANOTHER PERSON TOO!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a busy college student and I have a good friend that I enjoy spending time with. However, this is really only true when the two of us girls are hanging out, shopping or participating in some activity alone. I mention this because this particular friend has a habit of inviting other people to our outings randomly and often at the last minute. Some of the time it works out all right, but more than half the time the other individual will not have a personality that meshes much with mine and some of them even become domineering and start controlling how we're going to spend our time!

To put it mildly, there are several times I've remembered thinking that I didn't sign up for this particular situation. How can I avoid having this happen to me in the future without simply bailing out at the last minute when someone else shows up at her dorm room? I feel I need a stealth way to avoid being dragged into the situations I'd rather not be a part of. — She Often Changes Our Dynamic, via email

SHE OFTEN CHANGES OUR DYNAMIC: The best way to do it from my viewpoint would be to simply ask her in advance if the two of you could go out alone together because you have some things you'd like to discuss that you wouldn't be comfortable sharing with strangers. To accomplish this, you could have some topic ready to go that you could actually discuss with your friend, which would be something you wouldn't normally mention to a stranger. It doesn't have to be anything tremendously deep or salacious, but just something that you would be comfortable sharing with your friend, but not something you would put out for general public consumption. This could help you a few times here and there to avoid other people being invited by her at the last minute.

And after you complete one of these sessions, you could mention to her that you always feel much more comfortable and just the two of you go out rather than the dynamic of meeting someone new at the same time.

Another strategy might be for you to pick up your friend. If this is an option for you, you could load up your backseat with various items so that there's no extra room in the car, just in case someone tries to tag along at the last moment!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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