DR. WALLACE: My best friend got caught shoplifting last weekend at our local mall. I was invited to join her and another friend that day, but I had a family event and couldn't go to meet my friends.

Well, my friend is grounded now for six weeks by her parents, and they are beyond upset with her. Our other friend did not steal anything, so just my best friend got into trouble.

My parents heard all about this whole affair and now they don't want me to hang out with her anymore even after her grounding ends. I don't think this is fair at all since I did nothing wrong, and my friend will need me for emotional support this summer.

Why do you think she did this? Her family can afford to buy her clothes, shoes and accessories. I just don't get it. — Her Close Friend, via email

HER CLOSE FRIEND: I agree with you that you did nothing wrong and that you are not responsible for your friend's behavior. Your other mutual friend who was with her that day also did nothing wrong.

Shoplifting often can be a crime that has its roots buried within the psychological makeup of the perpetrator. It is true that most shoplifters have the resources to pay for the items they take, which makes this type of crime all the more confounding. Some shoplifters get an adrenaline rush or a feeling of being "high" by successfully shoplifting an item or two. Once this crime is repeated enough times, inevitably the shoplifter is caught, and everything comes crashing down.

Most shoplifters can benefit from therapy to discover why this behavior may actually be a cry for attention, which is a signal that something may be wrong within their day-to-day lives. I further agree with you that your friend could indeed benefit from some emotional support that you may be able to provide. Explain this to your parents and do some research online about shoplifting and what causes otherwise law-abiding citizens to be drawn into this illegal activity.

MOM APPROVED, BUT DAD WANTS ME TO RETURN THESE GREAT DEALS

DR. WALLACE: My mother loaned me her credit card because I needed to buy some clothes for a formal event at my high school. While I was out shopping that day, I bought some additional clothing that I needed for regular school and personal use because there was a tremendous sale going on at a major department store next to the formalwear store I first visited.

I purchased the extra items for great values, and they are quality clothes made by famous brand names. My mother complimented me on finding a good deal and she approved, but my father was not amused. He now wants me to return all the goods I bought on sale.

Who is right here: my mother or my father? — I Know a Deal When I See One, via email

I KNOW A DEAL WHEN I SEE ONE: In your situation, I don't believe that either one of your parents is right or wrong. The problem you have run into is that you did not get advance permission to purchase additional clothing and spend more money than you were authorized to spend for the one formal event you plan to attend.

I actually agree with both of your parents for different reasons. Your mother also understands the value of shopping for quality goods at excellent discount prices, and your father is correct in that you should not be allowed to take a family credit card and make purchases without clearing those purchases with your parents in advance.

There might possibly be a way out for you here. Ask your father if you can keep these purchases since they were such excellent values, especially since your mother approved of your shopping acumen. But the key here is to offer to repay your father as soon as possible out of your own money. If you receive an allowance, you could repay your allowance money for several weeks or months to retire the debt, or perhaps you could do some babysitting or yard work in your neighborhood. You may even be able to find work at a local business on weekends to raise the money to repay these extra purchases you made on your own.

In the future, be sure to get explicit permission from both parents before you make any charges on their credit cards, no matter how good a value appears to be to you!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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