DR. WALLACE: I met my "unicorn" guy last year during COVID-19. He was my ideal person, and he cared about what I was thinking and feeling. But I blew it when we had a big, ugly fight (that I started), and the result was that we broke up.
Now I realize that I still love him, and I know from mutual friends that he's not dating anyone new at the moment.
I'd like a second chance with him, but I really don't know how to go about this. What's the best way to reengage a love interest once you've driven him away? — Remorseful Girl, via email
REMORSEFUL GIRL: Pick up your phone, call him and apologize right away. He may or may not ever wish to date you again, but either way, this will be a good move. At the very least, it will bring closure and humanity to your failed relationship.
If you're fortunate enough to find your apology is well accepted, then you might ask him to meet you in person so that you can tell him properly how sorry you are.
At that point, tell him the truth, which is that you miss him and wish you could have a second chance to make your relationship work. Accept the blame for the misunderstanding that caused the breakup and reiterate how sorry you are. Mention that being away from him gave you time to think things over and to realize just how much he means to you. Tell him that if he does not wish to go out with you again that you'll accept that.
Being honest and forthright will give you the best opportunity to get a second chance. You may or may not succeed, but either way, be calm, respectful and earnest. With a little luck, things might move in a better direction for you.
And if he doesn't want to go out with you anymore, at least you know you gave it your all. That's always better than wondering what would have happened if you had only given it a try. If the romance is over, you can concentrate your efforts on finding someone else or just enjoy the freedom of being single for a period of time.
FOCUS ON YOUR FUTURE INSTEAD
DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and have been dating my boyfriend, also 17, for a year now. I thought I loved him and that he loved me. Last week he told me that he "is in love with me" and that someday we would be husband and wife. That made me feel very beautiful and I got very emotional.
He then asked me if I would be his wife after we both graduate from college, and I said, "Yes, yes, yes!"
My boyfriend proceeded to say that we should celebrate and "seal our deal" together with a little physical loving. Even though I felt emotional love for my boyfriend, my brain was telling me not to move forward yet with the physical love. However, in the end, he was very persuasive, and we ended up having sex that very night.
Then, to my utter surprise, three short days later, he told me that his parents had separated and that he and his younger brother are moving to Oklahoma, which is about 1,000 miles from here. He said that he was going to have to end our relationship since he wouldn't be able to see me anymore.
Should I consider myself lucky that this loser is out of my life forever, or did fate steal away my future husband? I keep turning this over and over in my mind, and I really don't know how to process what just happened. — Still in Shock, via email
STILL IN SHOCK: Consider yourself a very fortunate young lady, because your 17-year-old boyfriend likely knew he and his family were moving out of state when he "proposed" to you and used your resulting state of mind to persuade you to have sex with him.
Focus now on the fact that you are very fortunate that you are now rid of him forever. Don't feel bad that he left town and you probably won't ever see him again; be happy that this manipulator is out of your life forever. The good news is that you will eventually find the true love of your life — and trust me, it isn't him.
Move on and focus on your future instead. You'll soon enough put him in the rearview mirror as you look forward to the happy future you definitely deserve.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Free-Photos at Pixabay
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