My Relationship Is Headed Downhill

By Dr. Robert Wallace

March 10, 2025 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I are both 17. We're juniors in high school and have been dating now for almost six months. For the first two months, he was very attentive. We laughed a lot and had many good times together.

The next two months were all right but without as much fun and laughter. We went on dates only about half as often.

The past two months have been terrible. He never calls me or texts me first, we rarely go out on dates and I always have to initiate communication.

If I suggest we go out on a date on a certain night, even once a week, his reply is, "If you say so." At first, I thought he might be seeing someone else, but I've been watching him carefully from afar and a few of my girlfriends have several classes with him, and nobody has seen him do anything. Should stay in this relationship? — My Relationship Is Going Downhill, via email

MY RELATIONSHIP IS GOING DOWNHILL: It sounds like your boyfriend has already mentally checked out of the relationship but either doesn't know how or is hesitant to tell you this directly. Perhaps he does not like confrontation.

You may want to gently bring up that you've noticed that the two of you are not as close as you used to be, and that it's absolutely all right with you if he would like to just be friends

If he does feel the way I suspect, then the conversation may come as a relief to both of you. However, if he feels differently, the conversation will give him an opportunity to convince you otherwise.

MY FRIEND HAS STARTED UNDERMINING ME

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female high school student, and I met another girl at the beginning of the school year who became my friend. However, now that we are several months into our friendship, I've noticed that she sometimes undermines me.

For example, I was describing an outfit I had seen at the malland told her I was really looking forward to saving up money to purchase it and wear it to an important school function. To my utter amazement, within a week, she showed up at school wearing the exact same outfit. Her excuse was that she had been shopping with her mother and her aunt, and she happened to mention that "someone at our school" liked that outfit, so her aunt bought it for her birthday. But her birthday isn't until late June!

On another occasion, I mentioned that I liked a boy because I found him cute and had heard that he had a nice personality. Again, within a week, I saw her chatting this guy up three times! I know she was targeting him because I had told her that I liked him.

What can I do about this? Should I confront her ? Or should I just accept this as part of the price ofher friendship? — My Friend Has Her Own Agenda, via email

MY FRIEND HAS HER OWN AGENDA: Your situation points out that some teenagers are better team players and friends than others.

For whatever reason, be it a competitive drive or the manifestation of insecurities, your friendis behaving unacceptably.

Of course, the choice is yours if you'd like to remain friends. It may benefit you to have a discussion with her before you do anything. Mention to her in a gentle and nonconfrontational way that some of her actions are incongruent with your definition of friendship.

You could go on to tell her that you'd rather see the two of you grow together rather than apart. At some point, look her directly in the eyes and say nothing more. Wait patiently for as long as it takes for her to reply, even if there is an uncomfortable silence.

Her reply will likely be quite enlightening. She may be aloof, be driven to anger or even perhaps confess that something has been bothering her in her life and she's acting out in a way that's displeasing to you. An open conversation could push the two of you further apart or draw you closer together. Be prepared to make your final decision after you've given her a chance to explain herself.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Manuel Meurisse at Unsplash

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