I'm Literally Living a Double Standard

By Dr. Robert Wallace

March 2, 2024 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: I'm a receptionist at a busy law office and have an important job. I've been with this law firm for two years now and I'm 24 years old. I do good work and am well liked by my co-workers.

I ended a relationship with my high school sweetheart over a year ago. We thought we would grow old together, but let's just say things fell apart when I found out some unsavory news about him that I'll not get into here.

Since then, I've dated a few different guys without much interest on my part until I met my current guy at a music concert. He and I have a lot in common ... except for the fact that he's five years younger than I am. Yes, he's 19 compared to my 24, and this has my family all scolding me! My mother and my twin sister are literally losing their minds over this even though I tell them that my guy is way more mature than two 27-year-olds that I work with at the law office. These two young attorneys act 17 way more often than they do 27, law degree or not.

Why must I suffer through hearing my own twin sister tease me about "robbing the cradle" when if a 24-year-old guy were dating a 19-year-old woman, nobody would flinch at all?

I think it's crazy. At least my co-workers who have met him heartily approve of him and his personality. In fact, they were shocked he's 19 as they all felt he was between 23 and 25 due to his personality and mature presence. And for the record, he turns 20 in May, well before I'll turn 25 in October, — Living a Double Standard, via email

LIVING A DOUBLE STANDARD: I side with your perspective completely. Not only is there a double standard that exists for women like you who are a few years older, but also you're both adults and free to date whoever you each prefer with no consequences other than immature and thoughtless comments you find yourself dealing with.

Enjoy your relationship and his maturity and know that as each of you age from here, the difference between your respective ages will mean less and less to everyone you come into contact with, hopefully including your family.

HE CONSTANTLY HIDES HIS PERSONAL DETAILS

DR. WALLACE: My new boyfriend told me that he was abused as a child and that his parents disowned him and put him in a foster home so that the abuse he suffered through would be forever buried.

He said that abuse was the reason that he can't hold down a job now, or ever, and that because he can't earn money like most people do, he's had to find creative ways to "take things from people who can afford to lose them," as he puts it.

I've often asked him where he grew up and how exactly he gets his money these days, but he won't tell me anything about either topic. He always quickly changes the topic and seeks to talk about something he knows I like. It's so obvious that I almost laugh out loud when he does this.

What's strange is that I have all of these crazy red flags to deal with regarding his string of random, over-the-top stories, but he actually treats me pretty well overall, even if I don't know much about his background or his present life. I do know that when we go somewhere, it's always in my car, since he doesn't have one. And I always pay for our meals or entertainment. We are both adults: I'm 20, and he claims to be 25, even though he looks 35. I've asked to see his ID, but he said his wallet got stolen recently and he has not had time to replace it yet. Will he eventually drop his guard and let me into his head, his core emotions and the true details of both his past and his current life story? — I Need To Know, via email

I NEED TO KNOW: At least you used the term "red flags" before I could. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't back down on insisting that he level with you on at least a few basics about his current life.

Any relationship partner that intentionally establishes and keeps up informational walls on the most basic aspects of personal information has much to hide.

This fellow could be married, for example. He could be a fugitive or a serial manipulator who enjoys toying emotionally with women for as long as he can before he must move on to start his process all over with a new mark.

You mentioned his volume of red flags. Either give him one single shot from here to clear those up fully, or make the decision that you already have heard enough to know that it's time for you to move on.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Sean Stratton at Unsplash

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