DR. WALLACE: I'm a parent and not a student, so I hope it's all right to write in with an observation from our family. My husband and I preach to our three teenagers, ages 16, 17 and 19, not to drink alcohol. We've often told our children that underage drinking is against the law and that once they reach the age of 21, they can make up their own minds about possible alcohol consumption. But my husband, despite his lectures to them, often drinks too much at home, and when he's had more than a few, he justifies his sloppy behavior by telling the kids it's all right for him to drink if there is no driving involved. This makes me uncomfortable on many levels, especially since he's sending them mixed messages.

I do plan on discussing this matter with my husband soon, but I wanted to check in with you to see if you agree that he's telling them one thing but doing another. Feel free to expound if you have thoughts beyond mine — whether or not you agree with me. — A Concerned Mother, via email

A CONCERNED MOTHER: I agree with you and feel you have stated your position quite effectively, thus I'm publishing your letter. This column is indeed directed mainly at teenagers and their concerns, but we always consider letters from anyone who has a valuable viewpoint, and yours fits into this category.

In my experience, nothing undermines parental rules and directives more than compromised behavior that decidedly crosses into the hypocritical category, and unfortunately for your family, your husband's actions at home can and will undermine the message you both intend to send as parents.

Proceed with your discussion knowing that I side with your perspective here.

HE'S UNDER PRESSURE

DR. WALLACE: I have a friend at my high school who is depressed. His parents put a lot of pressure on him to succeed academically. His family comes from a culture that highly values academic achievements, so he feels he can't say anything about this to anyone else but me.

He often complains that he has no social life, and that he can't join any clubs he likes or attend many events he'd like to attend because he always has to be home studying.

How can I help him? I don't know his parents at all, but he has shown me several text messages his mother has sent him about studying and his grades, so I fully believe him. — His Best Friend, via email

HIS BEST FRIEND: It's good that he has a friend in you to confide in so that he at least has an outlet to discuss his dilemma. Some parents indeed put extreme pressure on their children to be high achievers academically. There is a fine line between encouraging a student to succeed and putting overbearing and undue pressure to the point where school becomes a grind and is not enjoyable at all.

Since you used the word "depressed" but did not elaborate on the context of how you knew this (or if it was simply your opinion), you should speak to him about his future and how he will soon turn 18 and be able to make some decisions of his own. Having a more promising future to look forward to can sometimes be an effective coping measure for individuals who may be mildly or moderately depressed.

But not knowing the source or level of his depression, I recommend that you mention what you know to a counselor at your school. These professionals can meet with students such as your friend one-on-one to get a better feel for what the situation is in his life. They can also schedule parent conferences and they can direct truly depressed students toward mental health resources as warranted.

Take this step since you are concerned for your friend. It's better to err on the side of caution whenever chronic, ongoing depression is present or suspected to likely exist.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.