I Confess That I'm Way Too Shy and Introverted

By Dr. Robert Wallace

March 14, 2023 6 min read

DR. WALLACE: I have a secret that I'd like to confess to you: I'm a senior in high school and I've never been on a date! It's now March and the school year in our part of the country ends in mid-June so I only have about three months left to work with! I'm female and a bit shy, so I don't draw much attention from anyone other than my teachers and a handful of close friends. There are a few boys I know who are friends, but I would not want to formally date them, so this has led to many months slipping by without a real date.

I consider myself average to slightly above average looking, and I dress well enough, but I'm not too talkative and I don't party or drink or anything like that, so it seems my social opportunities are now, and have been, limited.

How can I seek to break out of my shell so that I won't end up going "0 for high school" in the dating department? I likely had a chance to get asked out last Tuesday by a boy from out of town who was visiting my favorite cousin, but since he was only going to be here for a week, I didn't pursue any opportunities to hang out with him. My cousin invited my sister and I over to his house that Tuesday and the boy from out of town seemed to like me when we met. Now I can't stop thinking about last Tuesday over and over in my mind. I feel now like I might have missed my only real chance. — Too Shy for My Own Good, via email

TOO SHY FOR MY OWN GOOD: I suggest that you speak with your close friends and tell them what you've told me. Explain that you are not looking for a magical romance or the perfect date, but that you would just like to have the experience of a few dates before your high school days are over. Last Tuesday's gone with the wind, so put that situation behind you. The good news is other opportunities do exist if you elect to pursue them.

You could ask them to set you up on a few "blind dates" if you're up for that. Since you likely trust your friends, you can likely trust their judgment in selecting a blind date or two for you. And once you get a few of these dates under your belt, you might find out that you've made way too much of this in your own mind!

You will likely realize that your dates are just as nervous or self-conscious as you are, and this may lead you toward becoming at least a bit more sociable at your school.

These experiences will most likely help you some sunny day in your future. Don't worry; you'll find yourself by following your heart and nothing else when it comes to your dating future. At some point you'll find a man who makes you happy just as he is. Until that day arrives, do your best to circulate and garner dating experience.

One way to seek an "organic" date would be to seek to speak to at least one person a day that you find interesting. Come up with a few questions in advance so that you can approach a few fellow students to say hello. If you speak to several, even briefly, a few will speak with you at length. And if a few speak with you at length, you might suggest having lunch together or something like that so that you can ease into social situations that are more conducive to adding another dating experience or two to your high school resume.

MY BESTIE DUMPED HIM; LATER, HE ASKED ME OUT

DR. WALLACE: I have a great best friend and we have been "besties" for over seven years now. We are in high school, and we do so many fun things together. So, the past few weeks have brought me into what I consider to be a tough situation.

My best friend got upset with me because she felt that I was flirting with her boyfriend. They've only been together three months and he does try to flirt with many girls, but I never flirted back with him at all. Later she realized that she was wrong about me, and she apologized but she still dumped him and ended the relationship.

Well, barely two weeks have passed, and this guy contacted me and told me wants to invite me out on a date. I could see a possible future with him since he's handsome and a good athlete at our school, but I'm timid to ask for my best friend's blessing to date him since I don't know how she will react. What's your advice in this situation? If I don't end up dating him, some other girl will get him anyway, so it's not like my friend would be losing anything. — In a Tough Situation, via email

IN A TOUGH SITUATION: I see this likely as an "either/or" situation for you, meaning that you may have to choose between keeping your friendship rock-solid by not even considering dating this boy, or dating him and risking your seven-year friendship with your "bestie."

Even asking her for permission might cause damage to the friendship, and you seem to intuitively know this because you stated you are timid about asking.

There are other facts here, such as the fact you mentioned that he flirts with a lot of girls all the time, so even if you did date him steadily, you'd likely find yourself in the very same situation your best friend found herself in.

The choice is yours, but be aware you may be putting a long-standing friendship on the line if you proceed.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: igorovsyannykov at Pixabay

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