DR. WALLACE: I consider myself an average to above-average 15-year-old student, as I get mostly B's in school. I've never been in trouble, and I don't get involved in alcohol, drugs or sex. Basically, I'm a pretty darn good teenager. I study hard in school, help around the house and am respectful to my parents.
Yet, apparently, I'm not living up to my parents' expectations. All I ever hear is how "good" my 16-year-old cousin is: "Andrea gets straight A's. She's a cheerleader. She's the lead actress in the high school play."
Yeah, Andrea is a neat kid — and a cool cousin who I get along with just fine — but what does that have to do with me? We are all individuals, for heaven's sake!
Why are my parents always comparing me to Andrea? Well, really, it's just my mom, as my dad neither criticizes nor praises me. Why doesn't my mom give me praise and then compare me to a dropout druggie student? Compared to some loser teens at our school, I would look pretty darn good — even great! Everything is relative (no pun intended), right? Just because we have a straight-A cheerleader and actress in our family tree shouldn't mean that a nice B-student who behaves herself should feel subpar. Right? How can I get Mom to stop this, and maybe even get Dad to notice me, too? — Good Kid, Not So Appreciated, via email
GOOD KID: I wish I could tell you that your letter is unique, but sadly, this topic comes up quite a lot in letters and emails I receive from teens, mostly from girls. In your case, both of your parents are making unwise parenting errors, especially your mother. The details you've shared in your letter let me know that you are an excellent teenager, and I'm very proud of you. Yes, your mom notices that your cousin in an excellent achiever. But you are, too! Your parents are quite likely also very proud of you, but they don't seem to show it often enough. Worse, they frequently compare you to your cousin. My advice? Walk up to your mom after school one day, give her a big hug and tell her how proud you are of her. Once the two of you exit the embrace, look mom right in the eyes, smile slightly and ask her "Are you proud of me, too, Mom?" I have no doubt that you will receive a heartfelt response and another big hug from your mom. This might provide Mom a wake-up call and could provide both of you the "reset" that is truly needed here. And when you get the chance, do the same with your father, when the two of you are alone sometime. But start with Mom today!
DO ATHLETES QUALIFY AS HEROES?
DR. WALLACE: We had a class discussion in one of my high school classes on the true meaning of a "hero." When it was my turn to give an example of a hero, I said Mookie Betts of the World Series-winning Boston Red Sox was a hero of mine.
Our teacher said that athletes shouldn't qualify as heroes. I thought a hero was someone you can look up to and respect. Mookie Betts is a great athlete, often does charitable work and has a wonderful humble personality. Why can't he be a hero of mine? — Brian, Boston
BRIAN: Quite often, a classic definition of a hero is someone who takes great risk to help, save or enrich the lives of others, especially those in great danger. The police officers, firefighters and first responders who responded to the 9/11 terror attacks in New York are most definitely heroes. And similar police officers, firefighters, medical personnel and first responders all across the USA and the world are also heroes each and every day. Athletes, movie stars and famous people in the public eye are often role models — and (START ITAL) some could be considered heroes, while others are not even positive role models, much less any type of hero.
In your case, Mookie Betts appears to be a both a fine role model and an "athlete hero," which I define as an athlete who truly cares about being an excellent role model and who often takes meaningful action to help those around him or her. A recent Associated Press article provided some insight into Betts' specific actions and his character:
"A few hours after the Red Sox won Game 2" of the 2018 World Series, "Betts and his cousin were spotted providing hot meals to the homeless outside the Boston Public Library," feeding dozens of people, with temperatures in the 30s F.
"Former Red Sox infielder Lou Merloni, now a radio host on WEEI, was tipped off" and "publicized (Mookie's) good deed on social media." Betts apparently "never intended for anyone to find out about his good work in the community. He and his cousin went out in hoodies sweatshirts with no fanfare, providing steak tips and chicken to anyone trying to make it through Massachusetts' brutal cold. Betts simply feels an obligation to do what he can, whenever he can, for the less fortunate."
Betts later said: "I've been blessed with everything I have, and I might as well share it. ... It's not the first time I've done it. It wasn't supposed to get the attention it got." Betts' charitable nature even caught the attention of Hall of Fame baseball legend Hank Aaron, who said, "No question about it, yes, he certainly is a role model." Betts says he has one rule: "Don't waste it. That's what my dad told me: don't waste it."
So, yes, Brian, I would say that in my opinion, Mookie Betts is both a good role model and an "athlete hero" who can be looked up to, albeit in a different way than we look up to public service heroes who put their lives on the line each day to make the world a better place for us all. Heroes come in many forms, from many places — from the worlds of medicine, sports, entertainment, education, business and volunteerism as well.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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