DR. WALLACE: My parents divorced once my father was sent to prison years ago. We understood he would have a long sentence and I didn't expect to see him until I was an adult, if ever. My mother used the word "heinous" in describing what my father actually did, even though she never told me the whole story of how he got himself in trouble. All she would say is that he was definitely guilty and that he needed to be behind bars for a long time.

I'm a junior in high school and my younger brother is in the eighth grade. My father has been writing to me from prison for years, and I write him back about every other time he writes to me. My mom has told me over the years that she wants nothing more to do with him ever. She's been a great mom and a good provider for my brother and me. I'm a 16-year-old girl and I'm doing well in school and in my social life as well.

We've moved twice since my father has been incarcerated, so my father only knows to write to me at a post office box that arrives in the city my grandfather lives in. This grandfather (my mom's father) then forwards the letter to me since he knows our address. This keeps my father from knowing where we live. I even mail my letters to my grandpa first, and then he mails them in a new envelope from his town so that the "postmark" won't reveal our whereabouts.

To my great surprise, the letter that just arrived here at the beginning of 2024 mentioned that my father is going to be paroled this summer and released nine years early for good behavior and prison overcrowding. His letter this time asked me to mention this to my mother, and he also wants her telephone number, too.

What should I do? I don't want to scare my mom with this news! Of course, I won't reveal her telephone number to him, but I'm thinking of not telling my mom right now about his situation since it will only make her worry. Maybe I'll tell her a week before he's due to get out. What do you think I should do? — Surprised Daughter, via email

SURPRISED DAUGHTER: I feel you should disclose everything to both your mother and your grandfather immediately. They are mature adults and they can assess the situation and make good decisions.

Letting your mother know about this right away will give her (and her father) enough time to think about and discuss the situation together thoroughly.

We live in a society of second chances, so hopefully your father will respect all laws from here and take his second chance seriously and make the most of it.

But at the same time, your mother's wishes and privacy are of paramount importance as well. Inform your mother by showing her this most recent letter you have received from your father. From there you should follow your mother's advice on how to proceed with your father's future communications and requests. I don't know the nature of your father's crime or his personality, so I advise you to lean upon the advice your mother and grandfather provide you.

At the age of 18, you'll be free to make your own decisions about whether you wish to meet with your father. But as a current minor, your father's criminal record may severely affect his visitation and custody rights, so it's possible your mother may be able to bar him from meeting with you until you are 18. Ask her to tell you openly and honestly what his rights presently are so that you can understand where you stand in this situation.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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