DR. WALLACE: I was quite close to my father before he passed away when I was in the eighth grade. I've also been close to my mother as well, but my father and I had a super-close bond way beyond any other relationship I've ever had with anyone on earth. Our father/daughter bond was epic and deeply cherished by each of us.

My mom wants to get remarried, and of course that's her right to do this when she'd like to. It just so happens that I'm currently a senior in high school and will be off to a college about four hours away from our town come this fall. I had planned to stay at home until I left to move into my dorm room up there.

Although my mom and her husband-to-be have been dating for a year and a half, they have maintained separate residences and have not spent nights together in either home (to my knowledge.)

I mention all of this because mom just told me that they just set a plan to get married on St. Patrick's Day since her beau is a big Irishman who is very into Irish culture, food and music. They envision a big Irish-style wedding and then they will live together in his home as mom plans to rent our home out since a local realtor friend of hers suggested she could get a lot of rent for the property we currently live in.

I turn 18 in mid-June, so mom's wedding is only three months ahead of my birthday. I'd kind of like to ask my mom and her guy to hold off until summer (maybe July 4 since they like holidays) as this would allow me time to turn 18 first so I could move out on my own and not into this man's home. I just don't see the point of living there for a few months and then moving to my dorm at the end of summer anyway.

I also have this gut feeling that I'd be disrespecting my father to live in another man's home even though this guy seems at least OK to me thus far. What can I do here? I really don't want to move into his home, but I fear I may be forced to. These are my private feelings; I have not spoken one word about this to my mother so far. — Really Don't Want to Live There, via email

REALLY DON'T WANT TO LIVE THERE: I can both understand and appreciate how you feel. I don't, however, feel that you moving there for a few months would disrespect your dear father's memory in any way.

But if you really don't want to move there, perhaps you could have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother. Explain to her everything you've told me in your letter but omit the "disrespecting your father" thought from this conversation. Instead focus on the fact that you'll be moving on soon to college anyhow and that you'll be close to 18 when mom gets married.

Mention that you considered asking her to delay her nuptials for a few months, but after thinking about that, you realized that you wanted her to be happy and select her own wedding day with no pressure from you. But go on to say that you'd really like to spend your last few months with your friends rather than moving for just a short period of time into their marital home.

This approach may cause your mother to better understand your thinking and she may be willing to let you stay in the home of one of your friends, with their family, before you all go off to college together soon. Of course, you'd need to check in advance to see if one of your two friends would have parents who were fine with this idea.

If that's not available, I'd advise you to bite your lip and go with your mom for a few months and leave on good terms when you do go off to college soon. Later in your life you'll look back and be happy that you leveled with your mother about your wishes and that you rolled with the circumstances that were possible for you at the time. With a little luck, you might be able to live with one of your friends from mid-March until college starts this fall.

I'M SUFFERING BECAUSE OF THEIR ACTIONS

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who has friends that I've known since elementary school. Recently two of them got caught up in some retail theft at our local mall. Apparently, they were part of a larger organized group who took many clothing items from a large and famous department store. These two girls were slow to get out of the store and they got caught in the parking lot with merchandise in their hands when the police arrived.

The word got around our neighborhood and now my mom won't let me hang out with them anymore. She says they are a bad influence on me.

They only got into a little trouble and it's not like they used a gun or anything like that. They just stole a few items from a store that makes a lot of money, and the store has insurance anyway. I feel it's not a big deal and I should still be able to go over to hang out at their homes after school. And for the record, I've never stolen anything. — Why Should I Suffer? via email

WHY SHOULD I SUFFER: Your mother, as your parent, has the right to keep her children away from any other kids she feels would be a bad influence on you. And unfortunately, these two girls each made a really bad decision that made it easy for your mother to cut you off from them.

You are "suffering" because your friends decided to break the law in a very visible and illegal way. Retail theft is a crime, no matter if the company is profitable or not, large or small. Your mother can decide to separate you from what she perceives to be a bad influence.

If your friends take steps to show remorse and pay their debt to society, there might be grounds to ask your mother to at least reconsider her decision. But the onus is on your friends here, not your mother. They are the ones that put you in the position of not being allowed to hang out with them presently.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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