DR. WALLACE: My grandfather passed away a few months ago, and my grandmother is having a very hard time coming to terms with his death. She lives all by herself now and is extremely lonely and depressed. Luckily, my family and I don't live too far away from her, but I'm working and going to school full time, so it's difficult for me to visit her as often as she needs me.

I am so concerned about her and feel as though it's my responsibility to help her as much as possible, but I can only do so much. How do I stop feeling guilty about not being able to be there for her all of the time? — Heartbroken, via email

HEARTBROKEN: My condolences to you and your family for the loss you have endured. Grief is a heavy load for anyone to bear, but I can only imagine that your grandmother feels particularly weighed down by it right now. To say that life as she has known it has radically changed is an understatement.

I want to emphasize that the process of grieving the loss of a loved one is long and slow, so it will likely take your grandmother several years to fully adapt and adjust to life without her husband. I say this because the greatest gift you can give to your grandmother right now is the gift of patience. There is no immediate action you can take to free your grandmother of her current emotional pain and suffering but you can provide her with the love, support and understanding that she needs, even if from afar.

It is not your responsibility to work through and resolve your grandmother's grief; only she can undertake that task. If you place that responsibility upon yourself, it will ultimately crush you. Having your own life, obligations and schedule to tend to, even in this difficult time for you and your family, does not make you a bad person and need not be a source of guilt. Do what you can. Visit your grandmother when you have the time to be fully present with her. Sacrifice a portion of your free time or weekends to run errands for her and help her around the house. Call her on the days you are unable to see her. Ultimately, however, you must continue to care for yourself and prioritize your well-being so you do not deplete yourself of energy. Otherwise, you will be unable to contribute anything of value to anyone else.

MY BOYFRIEND IS 'MR. PLATONIC'

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl and I believe I have a boyfriend but I'm not completely sure. We met each other via a group of mutual friends who all hang out together, and I really like this guy.

He's nice, considerate and very much appears to be a hard worker who is planning a bright future for himself both academically and also in planning his future career.

My problem is that when we are at school on campus together, and even when we are hanging out together at our local mall, he's a bit aloof to me. He will give me a light, quick hug at the end of the afternoon or night whenever I see him, but he doesn't hold hands or even try to kiss me — ever! But what's strange is that when we talk on the phone sometimes at night, he opens up more and says more romantic things to me, like taking me to the beach in summertime so he can see how beautiful I'll look in my bikini and how attracted to me he is. But then when I see him again in person at school, he reverts back to the platonic guy.

Is there anything I can do about this? I don't want to have a wild and crazy physical relationship at my age, but a little mild physical affection would be wonderful. — The platonic guy's girl, via email

THE PLATONIC GUY'S GIRL: Simply tell him directly what you told me here. It could be that for all of his strong points, he may lack a little self-confidence when it comes to interpersonal romantic relationships, and if that's the case perhaps you can get him to warm up just a bit.

If for any reason he really does not want a romantic relationship with you, then you absolutely have the right to know this and to remain platonic friends if you choose to do so.

I suggest giving him a big hug the next time you are at the mall on the weekend doing some shopping or eating lunch together. For example, if you've both just finished your lunch and are planning on doing some shopping at the mall right afterward, simply stand up and give him a big hug and a peck on the cheek right then and there. Next, reach out and hold his hand as you walk through the mall. If he can handle that, I'm sure he can eventually handle a nice kiss on your lips soon thereafter. It sounds to me that you'll benefit either way once you know what his intentions toward you really are.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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