DR. WALLACE: My father and his brother (my uncle) do not presently speak to each other. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but apparently, they have not spoken to each other in a little over a year now for some reason.

They're both really great guys in their own right and it's very sad for me to see this tension and the ongoing rift that exists between the two of them. Both my mother and my aunt (this uncle's wife) are afraid to say anything or to get in the middle of the situation in any way, shape or form.

Fortunately for me, I still keep in contact with my cousins who are my uncle's sons. The other day we were all talking about how we would all really like to see our fathers reconcile with each other. Do you have any suggestions in this regard?

We're just kids, but if we could somehow get our fathers to start talking to each other again, we would truly feel like heroes within our family. I personally feel this sad situation is long overdue for a resolution. — Sad Son, via email

SAD SON: This is indeed a delicate and difficult situation between any two human beings, but it is exacerbated in your case since these two men are both your elders and you must all be very delicate and respectful when bringing up such a topic.

To start with, there are a number of reasons why people don't end up speaking to each other, including uncertainty about how to resume their communication. Sometimes both parties feel like they do not know how to express their feelings, and both "magically" want the other party to know they are upset over whatever issue is perceived to be at hand.

In other cases, people sometimes refrain from speaking to each other as a matter of avoidance because they don't know what to say and they wish to avoid future conflicts and even more tension. This reason is basically one centered on not wanting to extend or elongate an existing argument.

Another common reason for not speaking to another person is one individual's goal of seeking to punish the other party. It's hard to know if both parties are trying to punish each other or if one of the two is trying to exert power or control over the other. In some cases, this may even be considered emotional abuse, depending on the circumstances and subject matter.

Not wanting to be the person to give in first or to make an apology is another reason why two stubborn people will often not speak to each other.

Now for my delicate suggestion, one I'd like you and your cousins (and your mothers) to all mull over together. Perhaps a third party can get one of these brothers to make a simple statement to the other such as, "I know we aren't speaking to each other for whatever reason, but I'd like to see us find a way to resolve this and move on from it."

I think it's very thoughtful for you to write a letter to me in an effort to help out your family with this situation. Take my reply here to both mothers and your cousins and see if your group can brainstorm a way to find an opportunity for one or the other of these men to simply speak about moving on without blaming anyone for the silence that has persisted. It's now not important why it exists, for once the silence ends that in and of itself will be a most valuable reward to both parties and their extended families as well.

MY MOM NOW SEARCHES MY ROOM!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a teen boy who is a pretty good kid most of the time, but I do occasionally like to cut class and do things like going fishing with my buddies or sneaking out to a movie theater to see a new release.

Of course, once I get caught, if I do get caught, I get grounded and punished in some way at home. I understand and accept these punishments, and I always try to do better going forward.

However, since the last time I got into trouble for going fishing after I cut my last class on Friday afternoon, my mom now thinks I'm on drugs, so she searches my room every weekend!

This past weekend she took all the clothes out of my drawers and everything out from under my bed and my closet. She also went through my backpack. Of course, she found nothing since I'm not doing anything.

She's convinced I'm doing drugs, and this is what's making me become truant from my classes. I try to tell her that I'm not drinking or doing any drugs at all, but rather I'm just an outdoorsman who loves the spirit of adventure! I love fishing and dirt bikes, and I'm always up for the opportunity to go do these activities even if I should be in school at the time. How can I get my mom to understand this? — Adventure Boy, via email

ADVENTURE BOY: Yours is one of the most interesting letters I've read in a long time! I too enjoy a good day of fishing, but where you and I part company on this topic is that I always plan my fishing trips at an appropriate time so that it doesn't create other conflicts in my life and my family's life.

I suggest that you plan your fishing, cinema and dirt bike excursions after class hours in the future. And for the record, since you have had no history of prior drug use, your mother should not be searching through your private belongings in your room without an indication that this is the case. An adventure-seeker you are, a drug user you are not, so I suggest you meet mom halfway. Tell her to stop the search parties in your room and you'll commit to stop cutting classes. But I do advise you to keep on fishing; just do it at appropriate times!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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