Dear Family Coach: There are several parents at my daughter's school who seem to run everything. They always become the class parents and take the officer roles on the Parent Teacher Association, even though others express an interest. They've formed a clique that reminds me of middle school. I don't mind being on the outside, but it seems that those on the inside get the best teachers, more access to the principal, and enjoy more socializing outside of the classroom. How can I get in with these other mothers so my daughter and I can enjoy these same benefits? —Left Out
Dear Left Out: Oh, those girls from middle school were awful. I can see why these women evoke those same feelings as if not a day passed since you weren't asked to join their Girl Scout troop. But this isn't middle school, and you aren't 12. You are an adult who can now make things happen for yourself. You don't need a posse.
So you might not be the head of the PTA, but why don't you ask the principal's secretary to schedule a meeting to discuss the ways you can help out the school. This will allow you to get to know the person in charge and will give you more access to the school environment. Ask to start a weekly fundraiser (such as popcorn Friday or organize a weekend family softball tournament to benefit the school). Alternatively, spearhead a month-long Women's History Month program or arrange for a special speaker to come to the school. Take a deep breath and repeat these words: "I am not in middle school." Then put your head down and get to work. Before you know it, you will be reaping the same rewards as those other moms.
Dear Family Coach: My ex-husband is Muslim and I am Catholic. When we were married, we agreed to raise the children to celebrate all holidays but there wouldn't be any formal religious education. Once we got divorced we continued this agreement. However, as time passes I have a growing feeling that my children are missing something without any religious education. How can I discuss changing the rules with my ex so that my kids can learn more about Catholicism? —Made-a-Mistake Mom
Dear MMM: Reading your question, I have to wonder why you both chose to avoid religious education. Maybe neither of you is particularly religious, but your recent change of heart leads me away from this conclusion. My guess is that neither of you was willing to let the education be of the religion of your partner. So you met in the middle ground and thought just by celebrating, your kids would have a religious identity. But that hasn't been the case.
I would start by having a relaxed conversation with your ex about what you think is missing for the children. Ease off the idea of signing them up for Catechism for now. Instead, focus on what religion could offer the kids. And don't be so sure that your religion is the answer. If you approach your ex with an open mind he might be more likely to hear your concerns and less likely to dig his heals in just to spite you.
Parents often sign children up for Sunday school of some sort because they want their children to have a religious identity, and they worry they won't provide the same level of education. But many of the same lessons can be taught at home if your ex isn't budging. Try to find a curriculum that works for the family's point of view and informally teach the lessons yourself at home.
Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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