Dear Cheryl: I'm 41, never married. Two years ago I dated a man I was convinced I would marry. Then he broke up with me without telling me why.

I sought counseling because I was devastated. He finally told me he broke up with me because my housekeeping was poor and I still owed student loans. He said he wanted to remain friends, but I found that impossible. At this time we're not in communication.

In January I became re-acquainted with a former colleague. After months of flirting, we were intimate one time, at the end of March. Two months later, in late May, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he agreed to meet me in person to talk. He stood me up three times. I last spoke with him July 5. I needed some genetic information. We haven't spoken since.

I tried to email him, but the email was returned because the address is no longer valid. I don't know where he lives. After several unsatisfying phone conversations, I no longer feel comfortable calling him. He has all my contact information. I've spoken with an attorney. It's my hope that the father will contact me by the time of the birth. If not, I'll take legal action to establish paternity and child support.

Although I'm pleasantly surprised at the pregnancy, I'm struggling to come to terms with these two episodes of rejection. I still miss my ex, but I won't settle for friendship. Even though one of his issues was valid, I don't think it should have been a deal-breaker. I also feel that the father of my child should care enough about his child to contact me. To be the one who always has to contact him is embarrassing, heartbreaking and unacceptable.

Am I doing the right thing by discouraging all contact from my ex and not chasing down my baby's father? — Wondering

Dear Wondering: You're going to have a baby soon. All your energy has to go toward your baby, not your ex-boyfriends. Have your lawyer contact the father immediately. You can't put this off because you don't like feeling rejected. You have to make sure your baby gets everything he's entitled to.

I understand that for 41 years you've had no one to worry about but yourself. But all that is going to change in a very short time. Between your baby and your work, you'll be more than busy — physically, emotionally and in every other way. You've got to wrap your head around the fact that it's not just you anymore. Every decision you make has to be based on what's best for your child. And what's best for the child is to forget your ex-boyfriend and to contact the father.

Dear Cheryl: Bill and I are both in our 60s. We met online and married after 15 months. It turned out to be a disaster. We're divorcing by mutual consent after 18 months of marriage.

But already he's established a profile online saying he's divorced. He's being matched to women who have no idea he's still married. Please alert women to this. — Fair Warning

Dear Fair Warning: When it comes to the Internet, it's strictly "buyer beware." In fact, you could say the same thing about dating in general.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."